One more day. ; Mattheo Riddle

Miracle

Mattheo

                                                                                                Epilogue
(After the battle of Hogwarts )

I's been 2 years since I'm holding into that letter, I can't seem to let go of it. I've tried to move on so many times but something always brings me back in time and makes it impossible for me to turn the page. I've been through every single emotion imaginable but mostly anger. I was so angry that I thought of burning the letter to the ground many times but I can never bring myself to actually do it which frustrates me even more. It's the only thing I have left from her.

I also tried to distract myself by hooking up with other girls but they were simply not her. No girls were attractive in my eyes anymore. I just didn't want to spend the night alone by fear I would fall into a deep dark hole of sadness and memories. I hate getting flashbacks from things I don't want to remember. The second I would fall into those thoughts, I would drink or smoke until I was completely knocked out, it was the only way out and I didn't feel like finding another healthier way. My head is currently a horrible place to be so I try to take the fire escape every time I realize I'm inside of it because the smoke is suffocating me.

After my dad's death, I thought I would have a sense a relief and be a little happier but a part of me wished i got killed too. I wish death would've taken me with it. Sure it took a weight off my shoulders knowing that the person I hated the most was not there anymore to terrorize my entire existence but the idea of death was still in the back of my mind. Maybe if I would've died, I would've been with her but her words kept replaying in my mind: « live for me ». I felt like an horrible person, I had the chance to live the life she couldn't but I wasn't able to enjoy it without her. If I had the power, I would take her place.

She deserves to live more than I do...

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I did what she told me to do, I went to see her friends, that were my friends too before the war. Unfortunately, Theodore Nott didn't survive the battle, he was killed in cold blood by my father himself when he refused to fight alongside with him. It's Pansy that told me when I visited her a couple months after the battle. The new completely shattered my heart, he was one of my closest friend at Hogwarts and he took good care of Maria since day 1. I hope he's with her so she has someone to take care of her in the afterlife. I heard that his grave is next to Maria's but I never went to visit him, I simply couldn't. I couldn't bare to see neither his grave and my princess's grave.

Then, I went to see Draco and Blaise a couple weeks after seeing Pansy because I needed time to process the new information that's Pans gave me. Draco wasn't doing the best after the war, he ran away from his family and stayed in a shitty little appartement in the muggle world. Yes you heard me, Draco in the muggle world. Who would've thought. I didn't stay long because I felt guilty for how he felt. After all, my father traumatized him but he still thanked me for visiting him. On the other side, Blaise seemed like he moved on. He is now living in a little house in nature with a lot of flowers and vegetation with Luna Lovegood. I couldn't bring myself to go to him, he seemed so happy in his new life and I didn't want to ruin it so I just observed from far and took an eye on him. I was happy for him but I felt a little jealous and even sad because that was the life I was suppose to live with my Maria.

The one thing I couldn't do was to go see her aunt, it was too painful. Just the thought of seeing her relative made me sick and made me want to cry all the tears my body contains until I die. I felt bad for not doing as Maria told me to do but I just physically couldn't. I hope she forgives me wherever she is but I understand if she doesn't. I wouldn't.

And then there's me, I completely erased myself from the world. You could say I'm hiding from everyone and everything. I'm back at where I started, in the street...going where life brings me. Sometimes it's better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you. I blend in and try to make myself as unnoticeable as possible. The ministry think i'm dead, that I died in the battle and I'm not mad about it. If they find out that I'm still alive, I could go to Azkaban and I rather rot in the street than rot in this hellhole. There's not one day that I'm not in pain but I feel like I deserve it , I deserve it for all the atrocities I did during the war and for the choice I made of going back to my father's side. I failed Maria and I failed myself.

So no this is not and happy ending like in the fairy tails. I never find love again and never get to be free from my own mind. Not everything can end well like we would want it to be. Most of the time, life is not fair and it brings us down to our knees until our last breath. Even after so many years, I hope I'll wake up from this endless bad dream but never do. Days are blending into one long and painful day. But i'm still waiting, waiting for something that isn't going to happen, a miracle, a light but I hate that I'm still hoping because I know deep down that there is simply none.

I was not living anymore, I was surviving.

But this one night, this cold night, too cold. In December but I don't know the exact date because I ended up loosing the track of time, I simply couldn't take it anymore. I tried I promise I tried but I was not wearing appropriate clothes for this weather and the wind was making me lose my breath because how cold it was. I sat on the cold snowy ground in a little dark alley with only one street lamp that was barely working. I took your letter from my pocket and unfolded it. I read it over and over again as if I hadn't read it a million times already. I just wanted to be close to you again and it felt like a part of you was in that letter. I held it with my hands that were beginning to feel numb form the cold. I could feel my blood freezing inside my body but I simply didn't care. Then my entire body became numb. I couldn't move at all, just like an ice statue. I started to feel sleepy while I continued to read your words, your beautiful words that were engraved in my heart and brain. I smiled, for the first time in years, I smiled because I knew I'd see you soon my love. They were the last things I saw before closing my eyes and falling in a deep sleep that I would never end up waking up again. Your words, your handwriting that I knew by heart now.

And then I felt you, your warmth, you love and your touch. I was finally with you after all that suffering we were reunited. I found my light, my miracle. My beautiful girl was in front of me again.

My Maria.

I found my happiness again because I found you again. It was you my savior from the very start. Thank you.

This was the happiest day of my life.

You saved me...
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Autor's note
Well hello there, this was the last chapter of this book and yes they are both dead, Mattheo died lol (for the people who don't understand). thank you for reading this was a long adventure full of emotions. Thank you for reading till the end. Thank you for your kind words they really kept me going, y'all are the best. And yes this story was inspired by the maze runner as you probably noticed, I was in a big ass maze runner phase and was in love with Newt so yeah I decided to write a story inspired by this mf and his sad story. Anyway, I hope y'all are doing great, I love you all and thank you again for following me through this tragic story. I'll see you soon!

Love always,

Sab xx