his hold over me

now what?

Leo

I feel an odd tingling sensation on my lower lip, as I try to open my eyes, very slowly.

Shit.
My head is pounding.

What else did I drink last night?

"uh hi..... uh sorry about this.
I don't know..... I just uh tried to remove some of the blood off your face cause it's harder to take off the longer you wait and it's just, you were drunk and it was the beds, this one was closer....i don't know, i tried to get to the other bed, i did I swear and but then you just refused to stay alone.. just uh...-" he starts explaining. Trying really hard to make whatever this is less weird for me.

He was cleaning my face. He knew I was drunk.

I stop his rambling once I'm all cought up
"Jonathan, breathe."

"relax

It's alright, i don't mind waking up like this"

what?

"oh. alright. cause I just... and so...uh...huh do you want me to finish this cause there's still some blood there?"

"yeah, sure." I say and he continues removing blood off my face. With an unsure look.

I can feel his heartbeat get faster and faster.
He's now in a sitting position his legs covered with a duvet. I'm guessing he's still cold.

Still?

He's tilting his head down so that he's able to see what he's doing, by doing so a few strands of curls fall to his eyes. He's so focused that his eyebrows arch a little bit while he's wiping my cheek.

"Does your face hurt?" he asks with a tortured look on his face.

"Not really, not anymore at least. I'm familiar with the pain so it doesn't really have the same effect on me now." I answer his question honestly.

"Right." is all he says in return.

No one's ever cleaned my face before, after every fight i'd just come home and my dad would give me a disappointed look. Evidently that's the only look he has any time i'm around.

"Okay that's pretty much it. Uh....I uh guess i should go to my bed now that you're uh you again, i guess." He says having finished wiping my face.

"there's no need for that."
I say almost under my breath. Ah what the hell..

"w-what, what do you mean?"

"I mean, you don't have to go right now." I say calmly. Still not sure what's happening to me. My thinking is distorted by how incredibly sweet he looks when his face is making that unusually sad face. When i come to think of it, that look on his face doesn't really change much.

"uhh, what-why are you messing with me again? Are you still a little drunk, i don't really get how that whole alcohol intoxication thing works so-just..um i'm goin-" he starts talking fast trying to make sense but failing visibly so, which is why i just decide to interrupt him by placing my left hand on his thigh.

"Jonathan. It's 4am. Just stop talking and get under the covers will ya?"
I say throwing him off completely.

"Everything doesn't have to make sense all the time."

He turns red immediately, and just falls down on his back slowly next to me, and then sinks in deep under the covers.

He stares at the ceiling awkwardly for a few seconds. So I just turn around to try and make him even more uncomfortable, cause why not.
So i move my left arm onto his stomach and turn him on the side. And then I pull him close to my chest so that the back of his head is resting on me.

As doing so I notice how fast his heart is beating, so I mentally pat myself on the back.

He eventually relaxes in my hands. And I fall asleep faster than i had in a while.

--

Jonathan

I'm in the library trying to focus on my book but failing. I woke up first so I just carefully got out of the bed and decided to go to the nearby library before the rest of the house wakes up.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. All of a sudden he's acting like a non-asshole to me. In fact he's actually been acting like more than that.

I mean how else to describe all those strange, bizarre situations we kept finding ourselves in?

You know when I think about it, he's the one responsible for all those fucking moments. Alright? Not me. Him.

Although I never really stoped any of those situations or was even able to make myself take a step back at least once I..

but still! I mean seriously, he's just so....urgh! And when he comes close to me.....it's like I throw my rational thinking out the window. And then he says things that confuse me and throw me off my game completely. I don't get it. I don't.
He's just the type of person that can get into your head so easily, without even trying. No matter the consequences.

what is happening to me?
what is wrong with me?

Come to think of it I probably have some sort of disease that i'm just not aware of. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah. Sure.

Let's go with that.
Let's go with delusion.

--