his hold over me

crashing

Jonathan

The situation somehow keeps getting out of control and i start to feel guilty, like somehow i am the cause of this.

But Leo is just really overreacting right now, why does he care this much, what is the point of all this??

I mean, i know that his feelings towards Mark weren't exactly peachy, even before today..and I guess, maybe i shouldn't have made it worse by having the study session over here, where i knew Leo would be.

So..okay, fuck. Great.

I fucked up this time.
Yeah.

At this point they're both just standing facing each other, it felt like Leo was about to make a Mark shaped hole in the wall, but fortunately Simon walks in.

"What's going on here?!
I heard yelling."
Simon says making his way through my room, when he gets to the two of them he decides to position himself in between, slightly pushing them away from each other.

This is probably the first and the last time i felt grateful to have Simon.

"Nothing's going on, Mark here was just leaving." Leo says, not breaking eye contact with Mark for even a second.

Simon turns to look at Mark, as if his waiting for his confirmation.

But Mark only turns around,
"Whatever man, i don't get what your deal is anyway." and walks out of the room.
Simon quickly scans the room with suspicious eyes, looking at me, and then Leo..and then hurries out to follow Mark.
Leaving me all alone with Leo.

I get the idea to try and sneak out of here, unnoticed somehow, but obviously that little plan fails as Leo takes a step left, blocking my move.

"What are you doing?" He asks with a sort of exhausting tone in his voice.

"I'm trying to leave this room, right now if you don't mind"

"I do mind."

"well, i'm gonna go anyway"

Hearing this, Leo moves lightly to the door and locks it.
Which is also when i start to get very much nervous.

"Sit down"

"I would prefer to stand"
He rolls his eyes and sighs, simultaneously moving over to sit on the bed.

"Why would you do this? After i specifically told you not to?" He asks, sounding exhausted as he speaks.

"For the last time Leo, i didn't do anything. I didn't want or expect him to kiss me. I thought he actually needed help with his stupid english." I explain, hoping he lets it go. I didn't expect this to turn into such a big deal. Christ.

And i don't get why is he so persistent about it.

"You're saying you actually didn't see this coming?" Leo asks in surprise.

"God, you're so innocent.
Just when i thought you couldn't get any better."

Um, sorry what now?

My face looks like a ripe tomato ready to explode right about now.

I look down immediately and suddenly find my shoes the most interesting thing in the world.

"Of course i didn't see that coming, who would? Don't act like you did also.
Why would anyone ever come to a realization that a jock is actually interested in me or anything about me??" I explain ever so self-degradingly.

It's actually quite simple,
If you're your own worst enemy there's no room for anyone else hating you as much as you hate yourself.

I am just one poster for positivity, aren't i?