"or do you want to be more than friends"
—
did I hear that right? No. I couldn't of heard that.
"what did you say?"
"you heard me"
once again I can't breathe, I have no idea what to say.
"Are you going to answer me?" He says with his hands still on my cheek
I take awhile to answer. Although my answer is a lie it seems to be the only right answer.
"No"
"really? Because the way you look at me tells me different"
Black leans in closer to me so our lips are almost touching. Oh God
"Admit it Gram, tell me you want me. I know you do"
fuck, I want him so bad, but I can't give him the satisfaction of being right.
"if you don't want me, say it and I'll go."
"I don't want you" I say as I turn my head away from him
He turns my head back to him so we are face to face
"say it to my face Gram"
we both don't say anything for a moment and let the desperation grow. My eyes wander to Blacks dark brown eyes, he's looking at my lips and I can't help but stare at his.
After a few moments, he climbs onto my lap and straddles my waist. Neither one of us can control our breathing, we both want this
He pushes my hair behind my ear that sends a shiver through my body, his touch is better then what I ever dreamed of,
"Black.." I whisper
We both don't move and just sit there for a moment, but what he says next shatters me
"We can only do this once"
what.
"What the fuck? what do you mean 'once'?"
"What's your problem Gram? I thought you wanted this"
"I don't want to be your one night stand fuck buddy."
I hate him, I really do. I knew it was too good to be true. Why would he ever like me?
"Aw don't be mad Gram, I'll make you feel special"
"Get the fuck off of me"
I push Black off of me, he falls on the bed and I quickly stand up
"Get out now."
I start grabbing Blacks' materials and give them to him, he stands up and walks toward the door
I can feel tears forming in my eyes but I won't let him see them. I'm not breaking down in front of him.
When he finally gets out of my room I slam the door shut. I slide my body down the door and put my knees to my chest. I let out all the tears I have been holding back.
I knew he didn't feel any way toward me but I never wanted to hear him say it, I almost had him, almost knew what it would be like to love him, have him, treasure him.
I don't want to let go of him
—
The next day I go to school and try to fully avoid Black. I succeed most of the day until it gets to that one damn class I have with him and where I first met him. Black is already sitting in his desk and I automatically want to walk back out. I decide against it and go straight for my desk. He watches me the whole time I walk to the back of the classroom to where he's sitting, of course our desks have to be next to eachother. I sit quickly and don't look toward Black at all. It was going well and neither one of us talked to eachother, until his dumbass had to say something
"Gram, we need to talk"
"There is nothing to talk about"
"Gram look at me, I'm sorry okay?"
does he think I'll forgive him that easily?
"Black I can't deal with this right now so please, fuck off"
We must have been too loud because the teacher stops the lesson and looks straight to us
"If you two have the need to talk during my lesson then leave,"
We both apologize to the teacher and she goes on with the class.
Black doesn't make any effort after that to talk to me, which I'm grateful for
The class ends and I quickly stand up and start walking to the door, I almost succeeded until I feel a hand grab my wrist, I turn around and of course, it's Black
"Gram stop ignoring me"
"Jesus Christ Black, leave me the fuck alone"
I push off his hand from my wrist and walk out the door, I start walking down the hall and then I heard someone running behind me and once again. He grabbed my wrist, this time he starts dragging me to a hallway that's always empty. When we get to the end of the hallway he pushes me against the locker, who the fuck does he think he is?
"What the fuck Black?"
"You weren't listening to me so I had no choice"
"Maybe that's because I don't want to listen to you?"
I start walking away again but he goes in front of me and pushed me against the locker so I can't move
"GRAM! JUST LISTEN TO ME"
"what do you want."
"Listen, I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it like that, your not a 'fuck buddy' to me, I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea, I know you like me but I can't be the person you deserve. You deserve better Gram. I want you to be happy
"you're an asshole Black. You don't get to decide what I deserve, only I can. Why do you think you don't deserve to be loved? My feelings for you aren't going to just disappear. Black, I want you and either you want me back or you don't"
this time I walk to him, and put my hand on his cheek
"You make me happy Black"
