Ryan: "There we go" she breathes, swaying from side to side as she stands in the kitchen with Mateo in her arms "We're just gonna rock for a bit." she slurs
Eyes fluttering closed in tiredness, Ryan begins loosening her grip on Mateo as her knees start to give out. Releasing her hold on him her eyes shoot open with a gasp as he hits the ground with a thud. Eyes widening she quickly bends down pulling him into her arms as he starts crying
Ryan: "Oh, my God" she frantically breathes, checking over his head "Are you okay?" panting in fear she begins rocking him back and forth as tears come to her eyes "Okay, okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm so sorry." she cries, frantically shaking her head
-
Wesley: "I think he'll be fine" she nods "How are you doing?"
Ryan: "Uh, shaky. Think the adrenaline's wearing off."
Wesley: "Well, then let's get you home. You both could probaby use a good night's sleep."
Sitting at the kitchen table, Ryan shakily holds her head in her hands as tears stream down her face. Sharply exhaling she looks over at where Mateo's car seat sits on the couch and a sorrowful look comes over her face
Ryan: This is probably the worst way to do this and I'm sorry. I just don't think I'd be able to say this to your face. I'm not in any danger or anything so you don't have to go to the police or come looking for me.
Cindy: "Let me just go grab this out of the oven."
Ryan: "Okay." she nods, watching her walk out the room before quickly standing from her seat
Ryan: But Mateo isn't safe with me. Not now and maybe not ever. I know you're gonna take really good care of him. And he's better off without me.
Ryan: "You're gonna see your dad in a little bit, okay?" she hums, placing a note beside Mateo as tears come to her eyes "I'm so sorry, Mateo." she breathes, placing a tear-filled kiss to his head before she grabs her bag, quietly hurrying out the room as she shuts the front door behind her
Driving along an empty road, Ryan sighs as she runs a shaky hand through her hair. After a moment a look crosses her face as she turns into a field. Driving along the grass she comes across a line of trees and in a split decision she presses down hard on the gas, crashing the front end of her car against the tree. The airbag goes off, knocking into her head which harshly hits the back of her seat. Slowly exhaling she allows her eyes to flutter shut as her head drops against her chest
Ryan: I love you. I love both of you.
Sitting in the silent field, Ryan gasps awake after a moment, coughing a little as she grabs hold of her head in pain. Exhaling she reaches over, grabbing hold of her phone poking out of her bag, slowly dialing a number
Operator: "9-1-1, what's your emergency?"
Ryan: "I need help." she breathes
•
Doctor: "Have you had any suicidal thoughts recently?"
Ryan: "Yes."
Doctor: "Frequently, sometimes, or rarely?"
Ryan: "Uh, past few months."
Doctor: "Have you had suicidal thoughts in your past?"
Ryan: "Thoughts but...not like this." she shrugs, staring blankly at a wall
Doctor: "What about before that? Growing up, did you have any feelings of depression? Suicidal ideations?"
Ryan: "Depression? Yeah. Off and on. Started when I was a kid."
