Mate me

22

I spent two weeks knock out in recovery after healing Nancy 

My nose keeps bleeding and I keep throwing up  Adriana went into dormant again and I can't stand straight for more than 5 minutes

It's like my energy has been sucked out from me

"Jane?" I turn to look at Dereck's distressed expression "let's go back to the infirmary" he helps me up from the bathroom ground
"Don't touch me" I struggle out of his arm
"I'm trying to help, I hate to bring it up but I told you!" I glare at him
"Get out"
"I'm not going anywhere, let's go to the doctor"
"We were there already and nothing came up"
"Let's go again"
"I'm tired I wanna sleep" he sigh looking at me then walking out of the room

I fall asleep easily

'Janeth?' I look around

A beautiful woman in a candid, pure white dress barefoot walks toward me

Her dark skin shine under the moonlight

Her hair dark and full are decorated with butterflies as pretty as the stars behind her

She smiles at me

Beautiful as always

The great moon goddess, adored by her people

'Mom' I don't realize the tiers rolling down my cheeks until her hand touches me 'mamma, mi manchi' (mom I miss you?)
'La Mia bambina' (my baby)

The little child in me cry in her mother's embrace, my mom is a lot of things but she is still my mom
'It's okay it's okay, you've worked hard and I'm so proud of you'

She coaxes me for a very long time

'Why did you send me here? Why did you send me to earth?'
'To help our people and..'
'What about me? Why did I have to suffer for them? Why can't I love?\ who is gonna help me?'

She smiles

Her hand touches my face
'Bambina mia, you were the only one I could trust with the mission' she caress my hair 'are you sure you can't love?'  Her hand traveled down to my tummy 'isn't this child a prove of your love?'

I touch my stomach and shake my head
"You were never there, I can't be a mother, I don't know how to do it, i can't put my child through that '
'You are better than me, my child, you will be a great mother as you are a superb leader. I'm watching on you my baby' she kisses me as I open my eyes to the dark of my room

"You are awake" I sit up to look at Dereck
"Yes"
"I'm sorry I yelled earlier I'm just worried" I smile
"I was acting out, I apologize too"  I make some space in the bed and he climbs next to me

He lies down on my chest and I start playing with his hair

Looking at him smiling my mind goes to the little one growing in my womb

for the past three weeks after i found out I looked at him as a thing, not an actual child

Unwanted

I made a lot of research on how to get rid of it in a silent manner but never had the courage to do so

Because he is my child

And maybe what I lacked wasn't courage but just something in me that didn't want him gone

I may not be the greatest person in the world to become a mother but in trying I will put all of me, I can do it

I can love

I love her or him