January. // z.m. au

Chapter 53

Brain | Banks

Ever since that day Zayn asked me to move in with him things had been going really slow. I didn't think this was necessarily happening on purpose or anything, that was the last thing I thought about really. And it wasn't like I was expecting us to move in together right after the suggestion came up, no. There was no set date in particular, it was kind of just one of those 'it'll happen when it happens' type of things. Honestly, I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

But that was about a month and a half ago and things didn't look like they were going anywhere anytime soon. It was almost as if Zayn just simply wanted to ask me to move in with him, and now that I said yes he hadn't really put much thought into the rest of it. Not that he was the only one in this situation at all because he wasn't of course. We were a team -- it was either both of us or neither, no in between. Also, I'd be busy sometimes, then Zayn would be, too. My birthday passed as well, so that tied into me being with friends and not having time. Maybe the both of us were too lazy sometimes, or maybe neither of us felt the need to rush at all. Neither of us were going anywhere anytime soon, so I didn't think that mattered much to me.

That was until my parents visited one day and Zayn found himself spontaneously meeting them without us ever planning that at all. Not that I cared because it needed to happen anyway. It was all good in that aspect. My parents loved Zayn, and I was sure that he was fond of them, too. I hadn't worried about that part simply because I didn't have time to.

But then there my mother was being the lovely mother that she was, becoming aware of my relationship and putting thoughts into my head that I didn't exactly need. I didn't think I could handle them anyway.

It confused me in a way because although my mum was always a bit nosey when it came to my personal life (my dad was a bit less which I was so thankful for), she was never one to really pry; she never put words into my head ever until now. Yeah, she'd give me advice and do things like that to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into, but she never put her opinions before mine. I just wondered why she thought now was the time to do so.

I knew she was just trying to protect me or whatever, trying to make sure I knew what I was getting into in the long run, and I totally respected that, it was just too much especially coming from her. Of course I always loved hearing my mum's opinions on things, loved hearing her side, but sometimes (and I noticed that this happened a lot) she got a little too into my personal life. And that was one of the reasons why I liked to keep things to myself a lot. Hence why it took my so long to tell her I actually had a boyfriend in the first place.

And ever since I had a long chat with her, my brain was one big jumbled up mess. Like, a literal, unorganized mess. And now I felt like such a shitty person for my thoughts altering, and now I didn't know what to do at all. Who knew life could be so stressful?

I couldn't stop replaying my mother's words in my head. "I just want you to make sure you know what you're getting into," and, "I don't want you to rush into anything and have it all fall apart."

Okay, wow, thanks. Really. It was nice to know that my own mum thought this way. Why couldn't she have been positive about this all? Because now here I was, all these pessimistic thoughts roaming through my already crowded mind, and it was just too much. It was never supposed to be this serious.

Despite what I said and thought before all of this, right about now I was terrified. Because what if I really didn't know what I was getting into? What if we were rushing? What if everything did fall apart?

And it wasn't that I was expecting it to, that was the last thing I thought about. It was just that I was mostly scared that things wouldn't go well in the end. And that wasn't what I wanted at all. I didn't want everything to fall apart. I guess I played a huge part in that, too. I was the one who had to make sure things didn't go straight into the dirt. Yeah, this was a pretty huge step Zayn and I were taking, but that was something I was willing to do.