The Secrets She Kept

Chapter 7

After dinner, we sat by the pool stargazing with Leah, as she slowly began to fall asleep in my lap. I looked up at all of the glowing dots in the sky and realized it had been so long since I'd been able to see them this clear, and beautiful. I inhaled the salty air, and felt myself relaxing more as I held my sleeping daughter. "Why'd you really leave Lana?" Luca whispered. "I told you."

"No, the real reason." Luca sighed

"We were young Luca, I was pregnant, and I wasn't sure what we had was still going to be there when Leah arrived. I didn't know if there was room in your life and your heart to love us both."

"You didn't even give me a chance." Luca's eyes filled with pain.

"I thought it was best." I whispered and stood up still holding Leah.

"We better get home." I announced. "Stay." Luca grabbed my arm lightly. "I can't." I shook my head. "Please, just tonight." The way he looked at Leah broke my heart. It was as if the thought of her leaving again was killing him inside. After debating for a moment, I slowly nodded my head. He quickly stood up and motioned for me to follow him. "Mom and I hoped she'd be able to stay the night one day, so we went ahead and prepared her bedroom." We stopped at a door, down the hall from Luca's old bedroom. Nervously, he opened the door, and my heart stopped. Tears filled my eyes as I looked around the beautiful room. The walls were all painted gray, while the roof was blue, and covered with twinkling lights. In the corner was a handmade tree, with an actual branch extended with a small swing attached for her to play. The bed was huge, and the most beautiful green blanket covered it. There were brand new toys everywhere, some of these things, I wished for so long I could give her. Suddenly a wave of guilt washed over me. This is what I was depriving my daughter of her whole life. Leah and I had always shared a room and a bed. A one-bedroom apartment was all I could afford. "Is it okay? Will she like it?" Luca asked again nervously. I nodded yes, as tears slid down my cheeks. I slowly walked over to the bed and tucked Leah in. Luca and I both kissed her goodnight as we left the room quietly. "What's wrong?" Luca asked once we were out of the bedroom. I shook my head and walked away from him. Quickly he grabbed my arm and made me look at him. "Talk to me." His face was filled with concern. I shook my head again in response. "What's wrong Lana? What did I do to make you hate me? Why can't you just talk to me?" Luca's eyes pleaded with me. "Maybe I did the wrong thing. She'd love that bedroom Luca and not because of the decorations, but because she's never had one." I confessed while now crying. "What do you mean?" He reached out for me, which only caused me to back away. "I was a single mom, living off of a waitress salary. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment her whole life." I began to sob feeling like the worst mother alive. Luca quickly wrapped his arms around me. "Stop, you did the best you could." I hated that he was defending me. I took his child from him, he could've provided a better life for her. "One day she'll resent me for it, she'll realize I was a worthless mother." I couldn't stop myself now. I just kept talking and spilling my worries. "Lana, stop. Where did you live growing up?" Luca tried to point out the fact that my mother was never around. She never came for me. "Don't do that." I scoffed, defending a woman I know nothing about. "No, where did you live? In foster homes, and girl group homes, you never had anything, the only thing that truly belonged to you was the clothes on your back. You've done more than your own mother ever could.

"Stop defending me Luca! You should hate me right now!" I couldn't help but yell at him.

"For what?" He yelled back at me.

"I took her from you! I left you and ran away!"

"And I forgive you!"

"Why? That makes no sense. I took your daughter, and hid her from you!" I continued to yell at him.

"I love you Lana!"

I froze in place. It felt like the world had completely stopped. In those four words, my entire body was sent into shock. "I loved you the day you left, I loved you two years ago and I was still in love with you the day you came back. I didn't stop. You may have stopped loving me, and you may not have been mine, but I never stopped loving you, and I have always been yours." Luca inched closer to me, as he confessed his feelings. "Stop." I backed away. "No. You know I love you. I know that you still care, I know you still feel something for me." Not wanting to hear this anymore I quickly turned and stormed off.

"Oh right, there's the Lana I know." Luca scoffed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I turned around now pissed.

"You run away anytime anyone gives a fuck about you! You push them away!"

"That is not true!" I argued.

"Oh yeah? What happened with the Jones family?"

The Jones were my last foster parents. The ones who adopted Robbie.

"I was waiting for my parents!" I defended myself.

"No! You would rather be separated from your brother than be loved by genuinely good-hearted people."

"You don't know anything about me!" I screamed in a complete rage.

"You forget who you're talking to Lana! I'm the only one who does know you! You know that!" Luca turned to head in the opposite direction, but quickly turned back around. "Screw this!" He sounded as if he were saying that more to himself than me. He started to head towards me. "Stop." I tried to step back some more, only to feel my body pressed against a cold wall behind me. "You're not running away again." Luca placed both hands on each side of my head, keeping me against the wall. "I know you feel something for me, stop fighting it. Stop running away and keeping your distance from me. Let me love you."

"I can't." I began to sob, feeling as though I've just broken emotionally. I had more to think about than just myself. Loving Luca is dangerous.

"Yes, you can Lana. I can protect you from whatever it is you're afraid of. You know that. You know I'd give my last breath if it meant you and our daughter were safe and happy. Stop shutting me out, let me love you Lana." He whispered the last part. His eyes met mine, and I felt so many emotions running through me. Slowly, Luca leaned in and our lips crashed together. There it was, the heating pulse in my chest. I knew his words were true. I still loved him.