COMPASS #1: Where The Sun Rises

Chapter 5

In my chamber, reading books was the sole thing that I could do without questioning the credibility of the action and nature outside my comfort zone. When sunrise illuminated the room, flipping the page is all I wanted to do. However, certain circumstances forced me to leave and reach the porch to see how they were doing.

With the giggles I saw, battling the inside was a priority to survive. My sister, who cried the other night, now smiling with those people I used to keep to myself. Those people I was selfish with.

Pushing back the liquids that used to form in my globes, hands involuntarily fisting the skirt on my lap while I sit. Devastating to find me in loneliness when the presence I yearned for now offered to someone else. It was fine. It should be.

But who I was fooling?

Firmly sticking the lids together to see darkness, I focus on my heavy breathing as the rays kissed my skin, burning it to leave pain that should subdue the internal ache.

"What are you doing?" still in the coldness of near beaks, he asked. "I thought you hate the heat of the weather."

I did. I still do that I wish to return to where I came from, to a place where I was seeking warmth and was being offered without asking for something in return. Those winter days I embraced in remembrance of the events that held me in the history of neglecting the pain because I believed that one would comfort me.

Opening my eyes to avoid his silhouette, I stood from my seat and faced the oak door. "I hate it. So much."

Kicking off the dirt sticking on my indoor footwear, I found myself slumping against the softness of the living room couch where the window adjacent to where I sit was open and I witnessed the same scenario like a deja vu.

My rest was tormenting when I had to dwell on the words I consume on daily basis.

"Nakakain kana ba, Rai?" my mother asked after the lunch I furtively skipped. Questions, endless of them that could make me get to speak for a day. In maintaining innocence, I shook my skull with eyes straight to her chest. Slouching to catch my sentiment, she held my shoulders. "May gusto ka bang kainin? Ipagluluto kita. Kung gusto mo, lumabas tayo para marami kang pagpipilian. I know a good place with nice scenery."

"Just the two of us?" I whispered.

"You want Mona to come?" With the name she uttered, I felt colder instead of having fire ignited. I didn't want to. Ruined composure and deep-seated hatred, I shall let go of the leash when the rage stops barking. "No? Okay, we won't tell her. I'll call your Papa to take care of her when we leave. Go change your clothes."

Upon the confirmation of the invitation, I was mindlessly walking upstairs with the intention of ditching my sister with the opportunity that was offered to me as compensation for the pain that was caused, however, not by the person who tried to ease the crumbled emotions. Looking forward to the idea of having my Mom with me to shop wasn't vivid in my recollection against the mess of the undetermined effects of the actions.

When the time for our leave was assured, I found myself getting insecure about something that should have not affected me. When the snow was present in the icy land, the heat of the sun was provided on a tropical island. I may have wished for him to only hold my hand yet he was grasping my sister's to prevent her fall.

Probably noticing the stares that should have been hidden, he met my eyes with that blazing fire.

"Let's go, Raizelle." My Mom's fingers filled those gaps in mine like a promise that I know would still be broken. "I found the nearest library where you went with your Dad and if you want to own another book, I can buy it for you."