Falling

Chapter 13--Libby

I grab Sammy's hand as Mary Jane Lowell comes out to present the award for best new male artist. I hold my breath and I'm squeezing his hand so hard it has to hurt. Lennon is standing so close to the television she might as well have her nose pressed to it. She dressed up pretending like she was actually there. My heart broke. I should have let her go with him. 

"There he is! That's my daddy!!" She screams when they announce Tucker as one of the nominees.

"And the award for best new male artist goes too...." I hold back my tears. I still loved that asshole. All this time, during the heart break, watching him fall in love with our little girl, winning me back and obliterating my heart again I still Loved Tucker Cole.

Mary Jane unfolds the card.

"Tucker Cole"

Lennon squeals, Sammy whoops and I sob. That asshole did it. He got his dream. I am so fucking proud of him but my damn heart breaks even more. Every time I think he's done destroying me, that he has taken literally every piece of me, he somehow finds another section to break. He got his dream and while I love Lennon with all my heart and would never change the fact he gave me her. Fuck him. I didn't get to live my dream and just when my dream changed to us being a family he took that from me too. Always leaving me behind. Never enough.

We flew back the next morning after we left that hotel room. I spent day one crying in Sammy's arms while Denise and Jared took Lennon. Day two I spent eating my feelings and bitching about the asshole. Today is day three and Tucker's mom dropped Lennon off about an hour before the awards started.

"Watch tonight Libby. He told me everything and I just need you to watch. I will never claim my son is perfect but he is trying to be a better man and a good father. Whatever you decide just please let us all keep seeing Lennon." She told me as we stood on my little porch.

"I won't take her away. I never liked keeping her from you in the first place. I just didn't want Tucker to feel obligated. I didn't want to feel like a burden." I looked at her. I realized how much I missed my own mom. How hard being a mom was in general. It didn't take long for the tears to fall and for Denise to sweep me into a warm hug.

"I know sweet girl. Please know Lennon will never be a burden to us or to Tucker." She rubs my back letting me know she has me. That's all I want is someone to have me.

So here we are on the couch watching the man I love win a Grammy. We watched him walk into the award shows alone. No Alexis in sight. When reporters asked about us or her all he'd say is no comment and then move on. I had been reduced to a no comment. 

So now as we watch him approach the stage and take his award I couldn't help but break down. I should be there with him. He shouldn't have done this to us again. I'm still not enough. 

"I uh.." He clears his throat. "Wow. Thank you so Much. I want to say thank you to a lot of people.. But uh yeah there is really only two people I need to talk about."

He pauses taking a deep breath. Green eyes boring into the camera staring straight into my soul.

"Elizabeth Ree. My Libby. I am so sorry baby. You should have been here with me. You are the only reason I am up on this stage tonight."

I can't help but suck in a breath. I feel like I my chest is going to explode.

"Libby believed in me when she was only seventeen. Encouraged me to chase after this dream I had for music. I did something stupid at the end of our senior year and broke her heart."

He stops looking down at the award shaking his head.

"flash forward to now and I find out I have a beautiful little girl Lennon. Libby took on the responsibility, the task, and the sacrifice as a single mom so that I could live my dream. In doing so she gave up on her own causing me to break her heart again."