Self Harm Poems/thoughts My Personal Journal And Experience On It

Everyone Else

I'm relapsing
Although I was never clean except for when it was forced upon me
I was good for some weeks
But the urge stayed
And grew
Until I was digging through my craft supplies looking for something
My scissors weren't sharp enough and didn't go deep enough
So I broke the blade out of my paper cutter
And it worked for a while
But then it wasn't deep enough again
And then on a day I was feeling good
I crawled under my mom's sink and found my razors
And I shaved
And I cried but I did it anyway
And I did not hurt myself
Not intentionally anyway
I haven't had practice with the razor recently
So I wasn't the best at shaving
But I did it and it felt good
Then I told my mom I did it
And she bought me new razors
But that day was not a new beginning of recovery
It was the beginning of a relapse
I haven't worn anything shorter than my basketball shorts
Because either can't do this anymore
I can't handle the stress that is supposed to be manageable
Why can't I manage it
Everyone else in my grade can
But I'm told I'm not like everyone else in my grade
Everyone else in my grade doesn't go to therapy twice a week
Everyone else in my grade doesn't keep upping the dosage of their antidepressants
Everyone else in my grade
Isn't even on antidepressants
But I am
And I can't handle it
But everyone else can