I'm Still Longing

Curse

((This is a filler chapter because I selfishly need some softness with happy vibes))

     It's been almost 6 days since Stede came back.

     Ed couldn't be any happier than he was now. He quickly adapted to Stede's return which was surprising to almost everyone on the crew. Olu and Jim, however, didn't find it surprising at all. The only issue was Stede was finding it all hard to process. Guilt ate at him every second he was awake - which was a long time considering that all this worrying was keeping him up longer. He managed it for a while but as the fourth day rolled around he was growing slightly disoriented. By the 6th day he was just...a mess.

   Stede sat up in the bed with his head resting against the wall. He'd been in the same position all night and even though his eyes were closed he was not sleeping. He felt Ed stir just as the sun started lighting up the room. The golden yellow tones poured through the glass as Ed sat up.

   "Stede, you're up so early." He said with a groan, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stuffed his face into the other's torso.

    "Nah," he tuts, "I just sat up a few minutes ago." He lies.

    Ed could tell that was a lie. Just by listening to how worn out stede sounded. He was usually so chirpy in the morning.

     "What's got you so stressed? It's been days." Ed sat up, moving to pull Stede into his lap. Usually it was the other way around. Ed would climb into Stede's arms - desperately trying to be held. He'd loved the feeling of being held - and he realized that he was withholding the lovely feeling from Stede in his own accidental selfishness.

     "I just feel as though I'm a curse." Six days of pent up emotions quickly came spilling out. His cheeks were already wet with tears. It wasn't so much a distressed cry, more like an exhausted cry. Like he couldn't put in the energy to truly cry. He'd been holding it all back, so scared that this would make Ed look at him in a bad light or seem silly.

    "Hey, stede come on...why would you think that?" Ed said with a worried tone. His arms tightened around the other.

     "Chauncey said..he said that I defile everything I touch. My family. Black bearded. You." Stede started but was quickly cut off by Ed.

     "You did not ruin Blackbeard. We're all better off without him. And how can you say you ruined me when you've done nothing but give me a reason to live just by being here? You've done nothing but build me up and love me." Ed said in a steady voice, but towards the end of it he dropped to a whisper. His words just for stede and no one else.

    "Don't be silly Ed. These last two yea-"

    "Fuck the last two years! No - those years are not your fault. You didn't intend to hurt me. That's not on you to carry." Ed said passionately.

    "No matter what the intentions were, it doesn't change everything." Stede sighed.

      "No, but it changes some things - that's all that matters. You are not a curse. I know that because meeting you has completely changed my life for the better. So ignore what that dumb voice in your head is telling you." Ed moved to look down at stede. He cleared up his face with the sleeve of his robe and leaned down to kiss the other on the temple.

     They stayed like that for only a little bit longer before Ed could hear Stede's breath deepen. His body gave way before he fell asleep in the others lap. After bottling it all up for almost a week..he was extremely exhausted. Ed didn't mind though. He'd stay here for as long as he needed to until stede woke back up.

((Opps did I say happy vibes? I meant 'I'm being haunted by what this senile dead dude said' vibes))