a jar of hearts (Taegyu)

8: perturbation

[09:34pm]

kang taehyun:

hey, hyung, are you free today?

—:

yeah i’m not doing anything!! why?

kang taehyun:

can we meet up?

—:

now? it’s pretty late is everything okay?

kang taehyun:

yeah, everything’s fine, don’t worry.

i just wanted to see you.

it’s okay if you’re tired, tomorrow is good!

—:

no no it’s fine, i’m really not

do u have a certain place in mind?

kang taehyun:

no, i was hoping you’d choose.

—:

yongsan park?

the one we went to last time

kang taehyun:

sure, that sounds good.

see you soon, then?

—:

yeah see you :)

     The two boys were sat alongside each other by the broad scope of the park's lake, ripples shimmering under the subtle moonlight.

     Beomgyu took notice of how the tender blue light made Taehyun’s face glow despite the dusky lighting. He found it was so easy for him to detect such diminutive aspects about him. It got to a point where it was troubling how swiftly he’d grown captivated by, honestly speaking, nothing. Taehyun simply had to be there for him to be in awe.

     It worried him because, despite thinking they’ve gotten to a point where they’re both comfortable with each other, Taehyun was still quite closed off. Beomgyu grew accustomed with his habits and he discerned how he’d so oftentimes shift the subject whenever it revolved too much around him. he wasn’t sure if he just didn’t share commonly or if he didn’t trust him as a whole.

     For some disturbing reason, the latter ached a lot more.

     It was getting remarkably displeasing at this point. Trying to swallow down whatever fleeting, outcast feelings and retaining them down. It was a never-ending game he was playing with his mind, and he was despairingly losing. How was he losing against himself?

     Either way, it was clouding his judgment regularly and he found himself struggling to go through with everyday activities. Solely getting out of bed proved much more cumbersome with every passing day. He’d wake up with a dreading burden thrusting down on his shoulder instead of feeling invigorated and refreshed. Every day that feeling would grow.

     In a way, he wanted to sleep throughout every week. He wanted to go to a place where he didn’t have his mind tormenting him and prodding at him to remind him of the race he was slacking in. He found it challenging to keep up with his classes and gathering assignments.

     He couldn’t get himself to talk to Soobin—or anyone at this rate because of the looming shadow of disappointment from their side. He’d tried reaching out once only for the older boy to avoid him entirely.

     He knew he’d have to talk to him. He didn’t know how to convince himself that he deserved to talk to him. Did he warrant the hardships he was going through, though?