When I Met Polly

Chapter 18

I stare into the dark coloured liquid as I form a hurricane within it with my spoon. I don't really like coffee, but I like it's smell. My eyes feel sore, from the small amounts of sleep I caught last night. After that rather dreadful confrontation with Alex, Dylan took me home, we exchanged no words and then I tucked myself into bed just staring at the window wondering if any stones were bouncing off the glass.

My family had their colleagues over for work last night and they were pretty worn out from the cooking and endless mundane conversation that seeped into late hours. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Sabrina: How was last night? ;)

I sigh, it was fine, up until Alex Jennings came bombarding in and ruined everything, just like usual.

Me: um let's meet at the park and talk.

I wait a while for her reply.

Sabrina: Okay, sure. Be there in 10 :)

Me: um can we say an hour, I've gotta do something first :)

Sabrina: okay sure, I'll bring Lennox and Holly.

Me: okay thanks

With that I pull on a hoodie and expose myself to the outdoors.

"I just felt all those feelings again, and it was just awful," I sigh, threading a hand through my hair. Polly's eyes have saddened.
"Look Abby, that was all a long time ago, we all grow up and so do our problems. Except there's a difference," she says, and I look up at her expectantly. "We can grow up without our problems and then they tend to just fade away," she states. I let her words sizzle in my mind as I look back out to sea.
"And I've done that, I don't stutter anymore, I can fight my corner, I have grown up!" I declare, Polly nods thoughtfully.
"I know, and your problems have clearly disappeared, so stop trying to dig them back up," she says. I sigh once more.
"Problems may fade, but some of the feelings you get with them just don't," I explain.
"Yes, but it's how you perceive those feelings," she reasons. I bite my lip, unsure of all my jumbled up feelings. How do I possible perceive any of these thoughts?

Sabrina's eyes darken.
"Abby, why did you never tell us about your past, it's clearly important. I mean we knew about the stutter, but not all of that!" Says Holly, I sit back on the swing.
"I didn't want it to happen at Falcon High, and so I decided to just keep my head down, try and ignore my past," I explain.
"Well if I ever see any of those three, I'm gonna go apeshit!" Declared Lennox crossing her arms over her chest. I smiled lightly.
"It's okay, we've all grown up," I insist.
"Oh yeah because that Alex really sounded mature yesterday!" Spits Sabrina.
"Dylan did kind of push some buttons," I admit.
"It wasn't Dylan's fault!" Defends Sabrina. I hold my hands up in surrender.
"I never said it was, but it takes two to tango," I state. Sabrina rolls her eyes.
"Not when it's with that Alex boy," she sighs.
"Whatever it's okay I'm fine, honest," I insist.
"How's Dylan?" Questions Sabrina. I shrug and sigh.
"I'll talk to him later," I sigh, Sabrina nods. I look across the park, there a bunch of young girls and boys all sit around a bench laughing and gossiping. I smile, I wish at that age I had been able to have friends like that. Lennox rubs her hands together drawing my attention back to my friends.
"Let's go get pizza," she suggests, I grins and nod.
"Okay, but afterwards I need to get home and study," declares Holly with a long sigh.
"Would you stop worrying, that brains going to burst if you keep stressing!" I complain lacing a lazy arm around her shoulder, she rolls her eyes but laughs.

Me and Sabrina walk home, she says she wants to buy time by walking to my house. Her cousin and his friend, that he always tries to set her up with, are at her house.
"So Sabrina, you haven't been talking about it, probably because you don't want to, but um how are you...after Frankie?" I ask. Her eyes darken and that small smile fades completely, she looks to me with hollow eyes.
"I'm okay," she replies, and there is something so empty about her.
"I'd never understood the feeling okay, I mean I never knew why people said it, because 'okay' isn't a feeling. Then I realised they use it when they don't want to share honest feelings. Which makes me feel like there's something more to it..." I state and slowly look up to her. Her eyes are filled with tears. I stop and turn to her. "Sabrina.. what's wrong?" I question, feeling very alarmed. She wipes her eyes.
"Maybe I'll tell you some other day, but not today," she says.
"Sabrina please-"
"No, Abby, just trust me, not today," she pleads. I close my mouth and nod her, before engulfing her in a warm hug. We then finally reach my house. I stop and stare. Standing at the door is Dylan, looking a little awkward. "Um, I'm uh gonna go," says Sabrina, offering me a weak smile. I return her smile before turning back to Dylan. I pick at the skin around my nails as I walk towards him.
"Hey," I greet. He inwardly smiles.
"Hi Abby," he replies darkly. "I just wanted, to sort this out. I'm really sorry," he says. I sigh, but smile and give him a hug.
"It's okay, I too am sorry," I whisper.
"About all that stuff, with that Alex guy, you've kept really quiet about it. I thought we told each other everything," he pouts. I smile sadly.
"Yeah, well now you know," I reply tiredly.
"I know, I'm sorry," he quickly says. I shrug it off.
"I'm fine, it was a while ago," I insist. He nods unsurely, but let's it go.
"About this plan we had, to pretend to be together...you thought about it?" He questions. I push his shoulder at his cheeky. His eyes are pleading me, I glare at him and sigh looking away.
"Fine," I agree, he jumps up in glee and wraps me in a hug.
"Thank you Abby, thank you sooo much, I wuv you lots!" He gushes, I swat him away playfully.
"Okay but as your fake girlfriend, start wearing your hat the right way!" I order, grabbing his cap and turning it the correct way round. He rolls his eyes and turns it back.
"See you later beautiful," he says with a wink. I wave.
"And no cheating on me!" I tease, and he laughs and rolls his eyes.

I walk inside, and the house is empty. I press for voicemails.
'Hi darling, it's mum, me and Jeff have gone to his mothers, we may be back late, make sure you study. Love you lots,' it says, I smile. I love my mum. I then drag my feet upstairs. I groan and run a hand through, my now static with stress,hair. I'm just not feeling revision right now, I'm tired and I don't want school tomorrow and work is just piling. I fall back onto my bed. Something crinkles under my head, I cock an eyebrow and sit up. I am surprised to see, lying on my pillow, a packet of Malteasers. I grin, I love Malteasers, did mum leave me these? I pick them up, and my stomach buzzes with anticipation. I am just about to tear the packet open, when something catches my eyes. In thick black writing on the back of the packet:

I'm sorry
A xx

The grin drops off my face.