Dangerous by Default

3. The bathroom

Blow your nose.

Grab another tissue.

Only one rule for being a badass bitch: don't cry at work.

Her hands trembled against the white porcelain sink. I'm not that helpless little transgirl anymore, she reminded herself.

She snarled her mouth in the mirror, baring her teeth like fangs. I'm fierce. She turned sideways, her hands falling to her stomach. She imagined what she would look like if she were pregnant. The tears were screaming to come out again. There was no dogfaced bully waiting for her in the hallway. No gym teacher calling her a crossdresser and forcing her to change in the boys' locker room. She was the boss. You've been on the cover of Vogue. What are you crying about?

Her raven hair fell over her shoulders. No, this time the only one holding her back was herself. The fear crept back in and took a heavy seat in the pit of her stomach. Have you blown it for good this time? Her phone vibrated.

*VRRRRRP VRRRRRP*

Ugh, damn it. Caine and his fucking spidey-sense for my emotional state of being.

love you

hear heart

His silly avoidance of using emojis made her smile. Caine would be concerned when she told him how today went. That was what hurt her the most. Mina was destroying more than just herself. She was failing both of them.

Okay girl, find your courage. Time to fix your damn makeup and fucking go!

The door swung open as she picked up her mascara, but she didn't bother looking back to see who had come in. One of the perks of owning the company was not feeling insecure anytime someone barged in on her in the public bathroom. Ami's mousy silhouette hovered into the mirror and leaned up against the stall behind her. Her face hung forward and seemed to be darkened by a shadow. She spoke in a hushed voice, barely audible above the buzzing fluorescent lights.

"I've been looking all over for you. You're harder to find than Waldo."

Mina put down her mascara wand. "How did the latest trial go?" Mina and Ami didn't have to dance around social niceties when they spoke, something Mina deeply appreciated about their relationship. It was only about the work when it needed to be.

"Take a look for yourself."

Ami pulled up a live feed on her phone, what looked like a cascading bed of flowers. Mina knew she was looking at a breakthrough - a small one, but an important one. "You got the little machines to broadcast. That's great! It means that.."

"M, I didn't come here to give you an update on the research. We need to talk about the meeting earlier. Another investor walked out. I know you have your habits, but we desperately need an action plan for the lab if.. No, it's not if anymore. When the funding falls through."

"Action plan for what exactly?"

"They are going to start selling off the company for scraps. You need to face it. The most important thing for us to focus on right now is figuring out how to make sure everything we've been working towards will stay safe, that it won't get into the wrong hands. This research can't just sit on a hard drive in your basement. Who knows what could happen if some pharmaceutical company, or the pentagon, or worse a foreign government, buys the intellectual property rights to the work we've done? We've come too far. Someone could complete it without us. It makes me terrified to think how it could be used in our absence."

Mina picked back up her mascara and continued retouching her eyes. She wasn't going to dignify this conversation with her full attention.

"No."

"No? No, what?"

"We are not having this discussion. The only people who create escape routes are people who think about retreating. So no."

Mina could tell Ami was frustrated. She was no longer treating this like a possibility. To her, it was now a foregone conclusion. Dimensions was going under.

"We lose funding in two days. That means we lose our lab in two days. I know how important this work is to you. Not only professionally, but personally. It's personal for me too." Ami and Mina locked eyes. They didn't need to voice the thought that was running through both of their minds. The reason that Ami dropped her research in Kyoto and followed Mina to San Francisco was the same reason that Mina was prepared to bankrupt her company. The stress of many long days spent in the lab was starting to show on both their faces. Ami's voice trembled as she spoke.

"I've never said this to you before, but I'm racing against a different clock than you. I'm getting older, Mina. I want to live to see my children get married, to meet my grandchildren."

Mina's eyes watered up. She turned to take Ami's hand in hers.

"Give me tonight. You know I'll think of something. We're in this together, no matter what."