Fifty Shades of Barnes

Broken

Y/n's POV:

I couldn't say a word. I just fucking stood there in shock.

"What?"

He looked at me just as shocked as I was, his expression softened, and he sighed.

"I love you Y/n." I shook my head scoffing before I began to pace around the room. "No. No no. No. You're lying. You don't love me. You're fucking lying." I began to tear up. He tilted his head to the side as he just stood there.

"I knew it from the moment I walked in that bathroom, I knew that the way you looked at me so innocently shocked that I saw you getting ready that you felt it too. I knew that ever since then that you can't stop thinking about me." I kept my back facing his direction shaking my head in hysteria.

"Fuck Bucky can't you give it a rest. You hate me. I hate you. I can't be loved. You only feel something for me because I'm your little sex buddy. Even if that's not true I can't bring myself to love someone else because," I choked on my words as tears flooded my eyes, and the flashbacks became excruciating. All I could hear was Eugene saying, "you break everything you touch" 

"I break everything I touch." I choked out and swallowed down the tears. "Y/n." His voice was gentle, but I could sense that he was holding back tears which broke me even more.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go take a shower and get some sleep. I'm tired." I sighed grabbed my stuff off the couch then trudged my way passed him to my side of the hotel room. I saved myself the pain of looking at his face, he just continued to stand there.

I closed my door and fell to the floor. Tears began to fall down my face in a steady stream as the voices began to race through my mind. Why would he love me? I don't even like him. I hate him. He's supposed to hate me. I'm a piece of shit. I'm worthless. I'm incapable of love. I break everything I touch...

I migrated myself to the shower then I migrated myself to the bed. Before I knew it I was asleep.

ꕥꕥꕥ

It's been two days since his confession and luckily it's time for us to go home. But since then Bucky and I have stayed distant. The only time I would see him is when Jules and Loki would ask for us to get breakfast. Even then he wouldn't physically talk to me he would just send a text telling me the plans. It didn't make me feel any better but I mean hey I asked for this. Right?

I waited in the lobby with my luggage wearing a hoodie Bucky gave me a few months ago because I was cold after we ran around in the rain in Central Park.  Since then I've been a little emotionally attached to it, and I can't grasp the reason as to why.

Loki and Jules joined me shortly after, he snapped his fingers and their luggage appeared before them in a haze of gold. "Show off," she said turning to him.

"Where's Bucky?" I asked.

"He's still getting his things together but he'll be here," Jules answered I nodded.

About 10 minutes later he walked into the lobby just as Jules and Loki walked up to the desk to check out. He stopped a good distance away from me, still silent.

That's just it.

All I got from him was silence. The plane ride home. Silent. Getting home and to our rooms. Silent.  I tried to talk to him before he went into his room, but he just closed the door in my face.

His silent treatment turned to days and days turned to weeks. I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about him and if he was ok and why is he just cutting me off. 

It came to the point where I started to get annoyed and that feeling of guilt and worry turned into hate and rage. I stared at that finished painting every day for hours. I never felt so disgusted and infuriated with a burning feeling deep down that just festered and corrupted my every being. I fucking hated him. But I didn't.

I hated his stupid face. I hated his goddamn eyes. I hated his smile. I hated his style. I hate him. I fucking hate him. I hate the way he makes me cry every single night. I hated the way he carried himself in a room. I hated the way he looked at me when I would say something out of line.  I hate his fucking pet names. But most of all, I hated him being gone.

ꕥꕥꕥ

It's been 3 weeks. He still hasn't talked to me, well actually not like he used to. I would see him occasionally in the kitchen for breakfast and dinner. Or whenever someone in the team said something he would blatantly insult me in any way. If I was ever in his way he would push me away like garbage. It's not like I cared or anything, it's not like it hurt, it's not like it brings me tears about how he just changed into a whole new person that I don't know.

But today was my breaking point.

I wanted to stay home while all the guys went out on a "bros day out". All of them except for Loki and Bucky. Nat, Wanda, and Jules watched movies in Tony's "secret" movie theatre room I showed them a while back.

I went to the kitchen to grab a drink and a snack. I opened the fridge to look for something somewhat healthy but enough to satisfy my sweet tooth. I obviously took the big ass tub of Ben and Jerry's "Half Baked" Ice Cream.

Closing the freezer I saw him standing by the island in the middle of the kitchen with an empty glass in his hand.

"Hey." He continued to stand there staring me down, but his eyes continued to remain soft almost hurt. "You gonna say anything there bud?" I asked trying to lighten the mood, he ignored me and made his way for the liquor bar. He poured himself an overly generous amount of whiskey into the cup.

"Are you still mad?" He clenched his jaw. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just thought that you know, we were starting to be friends." He huffed gripping the glass of whiskey before downing the whole glass.

"Why are you acting like this? This isn't you, or the you that I know. I didn't know that you were going to react like this. Bucky please just talk to m-" The glass broke within his grasp as he looked up refusing to meet my eyes. I flinched before the pool of tears began to form.

"Just stop talking Y/n. Please. It's too much for me." He said through his broken features.

"I- don't know what I-"

"Just stop...Stop...you-" he closed his eyes clenching his jaw.

"You break everything you touch, y/n." My heart dropped, and my jaw and fists clenched as I tried to force down the tears. His features softened in instant regret.

"Y/n I'm sorry I didn't mea-"

"Fuck you."

I know this isn't as long as my other chapters but the next one will make up for it. 😉 Also, what do you think about how this chapter went? Let me know your thoughts and ideas about these two individuals. 🫣

-Artzicapi30🫶🏽