Fifty Shades of Barnes

Flightless Bird

Bucky's POV:

What felt like a millennium since I confessed to her was three excruciating weeks. I missed her voice. I missed her touch. I missed her smile. I missed her Y/E/C eyes. I missed her warmth. I just missed her.

Her words rang through my head like a broken record. " I hate you. You only love me because I'm our sex buddy. I can't bring myself to love someone. I break everything I touch." Most nights I couldn't sleep. When I did, it was that same confession, but corrupted by the insecurities I carried through the years. Its weight created a burden that worsened as the days trudged on.

If only she knew. If only she knew her worth. How much she means, to me.

In those three weeks, I drank away my sorrows. They never satisfied my expectations because that damned super soldier serum fucked up my metabolism, I CAN'T GET DRUNK. The only thing I could do, that I was good at, was push her away. It's safer this way, right?

I avoided her as much as I could, this is what she wanted right? How fucking stupid was I to think that she loved me? You goddamn idiot. Go back to how things were. Go back to her hating you. And so I did.

It hurt my every being to not talk to her, but if it was the only way to hear her voice I will. But that's when her song came on the record player.

For the first time since I've been back, I started the turntable and dropped the needle on the record that was already peacefully waiting to be played. A few crackling noises as I took a sip of Tennessee Whiskey waiting for the song to start.

Flightless Bird by Iron and Wine began to play through the dreary room. I closed my eyes and opened them back up to see her sitting on the bed scribbling away in her sketchbook. I looked over to the door frame to see myself leaning against it with my hands in my pockets.

My head was tilted with a smile that crept into my face.

"Why are you in my room?" My question made her jump in her comfortable position as she looked up at me.

"I didn't know you had a record player." I nodded pushing off the doorway and lazily walking towards the record player as she closed the sketchbook and then placed it on the bed sheets.

"Of course doll I do."

I sat down on one of the chairs swallowing down the tears unsuccessfully. I took another sip of the alcohol as the tear fell down my cheek.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're old." I sighed with a smile. The song continued to set the atmosphere.

"That's not how it wor-"

"What was it like in the 'olden days?"  I stood there confused letting her continue.

"You know dancing? Was it like what they did in the movies?" The song played on as the tempo picked up towards the chorus.

"How about I show you?" I asked lending her my real hand with a nervous smile. She looked up at me before taking it. The light coming from the windows that she opened reflected into an array of indescribable colors.

She continued to hold onto my hand looking up at me with her eyebrows pinched together in the slightest. I just smiled pulling her close.

"Is this okay?" She nodded and I did the same in response.

"In the 'olden days' when it came to songs like this it was only right for a gentleman to ask a dame to dance."

She laughed with that smile. Her laugh was music to my ears they were the sweet melodies that surrounded the dark aesthetic of my room.