Cleave | Loki x Reader

• prologue •

For the soul mate who got me through this. She's gunpowder, gelatin, dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind. PS: I never told you this, but you shaped my Revna.

BOOK I
Sálufélagi

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P R O L O G U E

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Recalling the events of that dreadful night now, the first sensation taking hold of me upon entering the realm of Jötunheimr was the piercing of my skin by the gelid air.
No other of the Nine Realms compares to the one that is Jötunheimr.
Ice, darkness, air that could split your foreign skin in two. But worst about the realm had always been its inhabitants - at least to us, Æsir and Vanir alike.
Being brought up by Vanir, I was raised to see the Jötnar as a race of giant brutes, always at the ready to slash your throat with a single one of their icy fingers. This upbringing made said characteristics of Jötunheimr even more frightening than they already would have been without.

I had been struggling to find my way through the snow for about ten minutes when I first caught sight of my destination. Crossing a small river of icy liquid in a single large step, I took a deep breath before facing his lean stature standing between two of a dozen ice pillars; the aurora borealis illuminating the structure as much as it did this Jötnar's figure in its midst.
Only then did I recognise the rare beauty Jötunheimr had to offer, alongside its usual frightful gloom.

'You came,' he breathed, his voice a deep pit of velvet and mist.
'Of course I came; I can and will not lie to you. I promised you this once before.' I managed to ascend two steps before I halted in front of him, meeting his red eyes for the first time in what had felt like an eternity.
'You promised him things as well – Promises contradicting those you once gave me.'
I could read it in his eyes that he was challenging me. Yet, he also knew that the part of me he admired most had always been my resilience when it came to him. Deep down, I knew it was my not shying away from him – Jötunn, brute I was raised to despise and fear – he truly appreciated and admired.

'I love him.'
His hand began to form a fist, a picture which had managed to drill itself into my mind for all of eternity. Back then, I did not perceive this moment as anything other than what it had been; what it should have been.

'See? Contradiction.' He started to descend from his heightened position and circle me in a predatory fashion on the stairs.
When he reached the step prior to the one I was standing on, he stopped, forcing me to strain my head over my shoulder so that I may properly see him. It was I that was on the heightened position then.
'The words contradict themself when you speak them to different individuals, my dear,' he hissed.
'Yes, I loved you once. In a way, I still do. But for the sake of Asgard and the whole race of the Æsir, I have to play my part in the prophecy.'
'Ah yes, Ragnarök. I'm familiar. But as far as I can tell, you are no Æsir and neither am I. So why leave me for the sake of their safety?'
'You do not mean that. You are not like your people. You stand for the only beauty there is in this horrid realm,' I then turned to fully face him, giving myself to him, letting him look into my cards in this game of his.
As I reached for his face, I sensed the slightest bit of resistance in him, but he allowed my hand to reach his cheek nonetheless. 'I know you won't be able to live with the burden of bringing Ragnarök upon an entire race. You aren't the one to do it; it is not prophesied that w—'
'If I hear this word come out of your mouth one more time, I will end him – end your damned prophecy for good!' he roared as he shoved my hand off his face, descending the stairs to the snow-covered edge at the foot.
I had been taken aback by his outburst, yet I still rushed to his side.

'This simply can not evolve into anything more than it already is. It will tear me apart – having to love two men!'
'You have to love him, but you chose to love me.'
As his gaze caught mine once more and held it there, I detected a softening in his facial features, a longing to be able to call me his and his alone.
I could not verbalise the rejection this time, so I let my eyes fulfil the deed. Reading me, I suddenly saw the man I had loved slip away entirely. His features turned colder and sharper than ever before. Gelid.

'Of course you choose the option granting you a seat next to the All-Father. In the end, you are nothing but a Vanir harlot still, desperately seeking a place in Asgard's palace.'

Everything that transpired following these exact words of his, I can only recall in blurry wisps of white-hot anger, heart-rending pain and gutted agony.
My palm leaving the blue skin on his cheek a darker shade than before, his enormous hands reaching for my throat, the red eyes I had learned to love now burning with nothing but disdain, and finally, his weight nearly crushing my exposed body beneath him.

I did not feel him taking me, for the betrayal crushing the very essence of my heart had been the only thing I was able to feel.

When he was done, all he did was get up and dress himself, not once taking even the slightest glance at my used body and broken soul at his feet.
My survival instinct screamed at me to clothe my exposed Vanir skin so I would not suffer my end in the ice of Jötunheimr on this very day. As much as I fought to ignore any sense of anything in the worlds in this moment, I eventually managed to regain my will to live on – no, rather my will not to perish on the grounds of this gruesome realm. I wouldn't grant those monsters the satisfaction.

While limping towards my horse, all my mind was able to grasp for was the fact that he had not spoken another word; all that had left his lips had been grunts and nothing but animalistic roars. The man I had loved, had once thought to love me as well, had eventually turned out to be the exact monster I was raised to see in him, but had chosen not to.

Had I truly been so blind before?

3 pages
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● S O N G ●

North Wind - Ella Roberts

○ G l o s s a r y ○

Jötunheimr = realm of the frost giants, also known as 'Útgarðr'
Jötnar = race of the frost giants, sg.: jötunn
Ragnarök = the foretold doom of the gods in norse mythology
All-Father = odin, god of war and death, etc. and king of asgard

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