A Drug that Changed My Life - Cashby

Chapter Eight

Once we got back from vacation, however, my life went back to normal: living hell. My grandparents basically ignored me, leaving me to my own devices most of the time. Late at night, I’d sneak out to see Austin, as they wouldn’t let me see him during they day, “where Christ Jesus can see you sinning in plain sight,” they said.

About a month after our trip, we were sitting in the tree in Austin’s yard together just watching the stars.

“I really hate this.” I said quietly. “I hate this so much.”

He dropped a kiss on my hair. “I know. I do too.”

“I’m kind of surprised they didn’t kick me out after they found out about you.” I told him while we were walking back to my house. “They’re so religious, my Grandad probably thinks he’s the living incarnation of Jesus or something.” Austin giggled. When we got to my new street, I didn’t want to walk away. 

“We start back to school again in a week.... then we’ll get to see each other all the time.” He said, trying to stay positive.

“Yeah, and get the shit beat out of us if we’re seen together.”

He hugged me close. “I won’t let that happen, trust me.”

True to his word, once we started school, not one person said or did anything directly to us when we were together. Turns out the “Mexican ninjas” we’d met earlier in the year were at the high school, and they kept Ronnie and his idiots off our backs. Sure, we each found our fair share of notes in our lockers mocking us or calling us fags, but those we could handle. For once in my life, I was happy at school, because it meant seeing the center of my world every day. Home was still awful, but he made it worth it.

That is, until our fight. Little did I know it would be the calm before the storm, the highlight of my world crashing down around me, yet again.

After about three months of us only seeing each other during school hours and under the cover of darkness, he’d had it. I could tell he was frustrated that we weren’t doing more together, spending more time together. It was safe to say that the “honeymoon phase” of our relationship was over.

“If you’d just actually MAKE AN EFFORT and PUT SOME TIME into us, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation!” Austin yelled at me.

“I AM TRYING, OKAY?! You know what my life is like, you know how hard shit is for me, so don’t tell me I’m not trying when you know I am!” I retaliated, feeling awful for screaming at him again.

“Well clearly not hard enough. I’ve tried to go farther with you for months but you freak out everytime I try and touch you! What’s up with that? Is it because Daddy hit you too much, huh?”

I stared open mouthed at him. How the hell could he be so insensitive? “That was a shot below the belt and you know it, Austin.” I whispered once I found my voice again. He just crossed his arms and eyed me up and down. “Take it back.” I gritted through my teeth, trying my hardest not to lunge at him and attack him right there.

“No. Alan, I can’t deal with this anymore,” Tears were stinging at my eyes by this point, and my breath was shaky. I couldn’t deal with this... I honestly couldn’t.

“If you’re going to leave me like every other person before you who showed even a SHRED of affection for me has, go right ahead. I’m used to it.” I screamed, choking on a sob. That was a complete lie. I would never be used to it. I hadn’t accepted the fact that I was truly a misfit: no one loved me. Austin turns away from me, not acknowledging what I said. He begins to walk away, back towards his house I assume, and the sobs erupt out of me as soon as he’s out of earshot, shaking me to my core. Of course, I managed to screw up the one good thing I had going for me, the one thing I could always count on.