Behind Broken Bars

A Bandage for the Void

( 2248 words)         THERE'S SLIGHT SMUT

As Eriks' casket is being lowered into the ground, I cant help but feel distressed. There is a huge hole in my heart now, a piece of me that I will never be able to find again. That piece of me is being buried with my brother right now. I can hear my mothers sobs to my left, and to my right my father stands there without any emotion. I can feel my eyes filling with tears, but I quickly blink them away.

He was in a crash. Well, not a collision crash, it was only him. He was on his motorcycle coming to see me, but he went to fast around a corner while it was bucketing down with rain. I also cant help but feel this is all my fault.

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I dont feel like eating, so I play with the cold spaghetti Bolognese on my plate.
"You have responsibilities now, Wilhelm." She isnt eating her food either. "Now that youre the crowned prince, your every move is going to be compared to Erik." What if I fuck up again like I did in public school?
"I know." As Im clearing everyones full plates, I overhear my mother speaking on the phone.
"August, its Kristina. I have a favour to ask you." she whispers. "Can you please look after Wilhelm when he returns to Hillerska? He is going to have guards, but hes also going to need a friend to help him through everything." I dont want Augusts help..and guards?

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I scroll through all the messages Simon has sent to me while we are driving back to the school. I havent replied to any of them. I switch my phone off and calm myself before stepping out of the car. The headmistress hugs me tight. "I am so sorry for your loss." She walks me inside to show me my new room. It is much larger. The bed is sized-up from a single to a double, and theres more floor space. "Let me know if you need anything, absolutely anything." The headmistress hugs me again before leaving the room. Just as the door is closing I see two people standing on either side of my doorframe. Fuck.

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My guards notify me that the choir is ready for everyone, and to make my way down to the hall in two minutes. I follow them out to where everyone is already seated, and this time no one is smiling at me, instead they keep their eyes down. I see Simon standing at the back as per usual, but he isnt smiling like he usually is. He looks tired and he has dark bags under his eyes, like me.

I sit down and try not to make eye contact with him, and I can tell he is trying to do the same. The choir begins singing about losses and how its hard to survive when the person you loved didnt. I remain calm, fiddling with the end of my coats sleeve.

Im invited up to the steps to say a speech about Erik and myself. I hesitantly walk up with the speech written on the paper in my hand. I stand for a minute, and people are finally looking at me, which I dont like. I look down at the sheet of paper and begin to read.

"My brother was the most important person in my life, he was my walking stick. He is what kept me up and would stop me from falling down." I sigh, blinking tears from my eyes again. "I will honour his legacy by becoming a worthy crowned prince that will make Erik proud." I dont have anything else to say, so I jog down the steps and return to my seat.

When we're all dismissed, I walk into an empty classroom to be alone for a minute, without guards. I hear the door open behind me, but I dont turn around to see who it is.

"Wille," I know who it is now. "Im so sorry for your loss." Simon sits down next to me and stares down at his hands, like he always does when he is nervous. I dont say anything.
"Did you get any of my messages, I sent you heaps..."
I cut him off, "Yes. Delete them." I stand up without making eye contact with him to ensure I dont regret anything.
"What?"
"I can't keep doing this," I leave him sitting in the room by himself. As I go to my room to grab an extra coat to walk outside, the guards follow me again.
"Just five minutes! Please!"
"I am sorry, but we cannot do that." The woman replies coldly; the man standing next to her remains silent. For fucks sake. I just want to be alone. I storm out of the building, the guards remaining close behind me. I decide that i'm going to go to the lake as it makes me calm. I like the sound of water.