I want to feel good for your success
Really, you deserve it
But this feeling I am unable to express
Sour, bitter, sweet
Is it anger? Is it joy?
Is it sadness? Or is it envy?
No words can explain how much I want to destroy
Your happiness but you're so friendly
Then there is the guilt,
For thinking about you this way
My head threatens to split
Why can't these thoughts just float away?
When I lie in bed,
My mind drifts off, and I see your face
When you excitedly read
Out the email, before I cut you off with an embrace
You post a story
Ding! I receive a notification
Of you in your finest glory
Complaining about how you'll miss the lesson
Do you have no idea
How I want to be like you?
I am no Mother Teresa
Do you know that I am jealous of you?
Jealous of how you are so good at literature
Hurt at how you get to go together
My praises are just a mere cover
For my mind's thunderous weather
Losing all my confidence in literature
Knowing that I'm not really that good
I gave up on my dream of becoming a journalist
This is not just a slight change in mood
It feels kind of silly
To get upset over such a petty thing
But this hammer came down a little too quickly
And goodness me, I start to doubt everything
And this brings me back to my jealousy
How are you so good at everything?
Seriously, you have left behind a legacy
While I am still swimming in a sea of absolutely nothing.
Oh hohoho. I am proud of this poem, still not my best but still. There's a literature program in my school, and you have to pass a test to enter it. As one of the more "literature-inclined" students, I naturally had to take part in it. Guess what? I didn't get accepted, even when one of my classmates (who had fairly average grades) got in. That was when I realised how horribly big my ego and superiority complex was. Kind of a detrimental blow to my puny existence, but well, I survived.
ps. guess who just copy and pasted from their google doc so they can update faster?? totally not me
~H.T.
YOU ARE READING
transcriptions
Poetrypoetry is like transcriptions of songs aka my interesting collection of poems i've written throughout the course of this year (and one from last year)
