Believe, Guilt, Change...

Reflections... (Reflection 3)(September 14,2010)

What was the biggest decision you've made in life?

 

           It was the first thing I knew, I would rather give than to receive and expect more from the ones who means a lot in my life. First, I was exactly vague and my mind set was not in mere confusion. But when this feeling in me, desperately calls me. I thought I was handicapped, but when my conscience arrives in my mind. I was clearly perplexed. So why did this happen? Maybe because, I'm starting to realize and see what's right in my thinking. So I've made this decision that will mark in my mind and in my life.

 

           I chose to have an introvert personality, but, when I finally needed to choose between this personality from my true self. I said to myself, "If I am gonna make another change in my self, then I could possibly needed someone to do." Then, I must prove to myself, that I will change for who really I am. My biggest decision that I've made in my life was, "me". I could tell you by this statement, I needed myself to give deeper explanations to consider what's inside me; to help others and give them the best that I can do to make them happy with me. I consider to give my own happiness to them. And when I finally saw my happiness on them, I feel more happier because I'm seeing my deeds and what's best with that? It's the mark that I will place in their hearts when I'm gone. It would be my happiness to make someone "happy". I did it for a reason; it's because someone made me realize what friendship was, that I thought it was just development, but I realize it wasn't just that, there's more than friendship, it was acceptance and understanding. And it was "Jhoie" who changed me.

 

Was it the right decision? Why or why not?

 

         Justifying that it wasn't really my right decision, because I doubt it on the first place but specifically, it's for the better part that will give me the answers proven. So I would still consider that I've made the right decision. But nevertheless, it was just the start of my self-discovery. Even I'm still young, I'm trying to answer the deepest questions in my mind, and I'm still trying. Because whenever I made someone happy, I felt a pinch in my heart telling me to give joy to everyone else. I still don't even know why I'm doing things for others instead of making my own happiness. If its the right decision, then, that's when I can tell to myself, I made it. I made the right decision.

 

What are the consequences?

 

           Consequently, they were so many consequences that I faced. But I can't make up for the lost times when I made this decision. I faced facts, trials, deception, issues and criticism. Many people think that I'm just wasting my time doing things for the ones whom I gave much more importance. I may be dismayed, discouraged and upset to myself, but seeing the truth about helping others out can be the reason why I'm doing this reckless vocation to myself. I may be interrogated but I do what's best for others to make myself well-satisfied and knowledgeable. It could cost my dignity and such things, but I'm doing this just to reveal the different side and the suited change that I'm looking for myself. I'm doing this for my friends and for the ones who kept me believing on what can I do special. I need not to explain further more because I will find the answer why I believe that there's still forgiveness in me and to others who also believed that way.