Frenemies with benefits(boyxboy)

what now?

Will's POV:

Brian was nuzzling his head on the crane of my neck, using me as his pillow. It felt really great to get all of my junk out in the open. It felt like being naked in front of Brian for the first time. I was exposed and vulnerable, at the same time it felt freeing. But I never imagined he would share his past in return. I was kind of nervous. He would visibly tense every time family was mentioned, and I knew it took a lot of guts for him to tell me about his dad. Would I be able to comfort him in the right way? What if he cried? Oh God, I was really bad at this.

"My dad died when I was around twelve", he said. "My older brother Eric was seventeen. It was his junior year. He wasn't sad." "But you?", I asked. He gave a kind of shrug. "My dad wasn't really there that much. He worked a lot. To be honest, I don't have a lot of memories of him. I... I feel guilty, but I barely remember him at all", he said. "Don't be guilty", I consoled him. "You were a child." He shifted. "Yeah, but like, how can I not remember anything? To be honest, I miss how much easier my life was when he was alive more than I miss him", he remorsefully said. "God", he winced and pressed his face into my body. "I know I sound like a horrible person. I feel like one too. It's just", he let out an exasperated sigh. "Eric seemed to flourish after dad died. He was so happy all the damn time, worked his ass off, got into Harvard and left us. But mom. Mom became so depressed. I can't remember her real personality anymore. She's just there."

I could hear my heart beat loudly in my chest. Brian's soft breath tickled my neck. Holding around him, listening to him like this. Outside the world was just a dark blob void of any shape or light. And the only thought in my head was: I want to protect this boy with my life. 

"I'm sorry to hear that", I told Brian. "Grieving is a very complicated process, it must have been hard for you. "It's just", Brian's voice faded off. He took a shaky breath. "It's just, sometimes I wish I didn't have to grieve alone", his voice cracked on alone. I patiently waited for him to continue. Instead, I heard a sniff. A quiet fell over us, when I suddenly felt hot teardrops trickle down my collarbone. Crap.

I didn't really know what to say. For the first time in my life, I couldn't  really think of something smart to say. I just pulled him closer and hugged him tighter. It didn't take long before he started wiping his tears with the sleeves of his sweater. "God, I'm such a loser. I told myself not to cry", he sniffed. "Hey, it's okay, it's natural", I tried to comfort him. He laughed. "I can't believe I'm being comforted by my arch-nemesis ex fuckbuddy. What even is my life", he was joking, but I could see his self consciousness. He wouldn't look me in the eye.

He adjusted himself more comfortably on top of me. "Anyways", he said. "Eric has always been better than me, greater than me. All of our savings and insurance money from dad went into Eric's education. Harvard is hella expensive, even on a scholarship. I guess my mom thought one successful kid was enough. After Eric moved out, it felt like I was left to raise myself. To be honest, Eric has probably raised me more than any of my parents. So I can't really hate him. I just feel inferior to him. Now that he's gone, I have to take care of me and mom. It's hard sometimes. She just isn't able to do what most people need to do. Like working, cleaning-" "cooking", I cut off. Brian sighted. "I know what you're referring to. You think I haven't noticed your behavior? I know why you started buying me those cakes", he said. "I'm just worried for you", I replied. "Ever since you fainted at my house, I've been worried for your health." I still remembered how he just fell. His limp body. How light he was when I carried him. I shivered. "I just don't want you to be sick", I said.

"I'm not sick", Brian said, defensive. "I might be skinny, yes, but I'm not sick. It was a very stressful week. I usually make dinner for both my mother and me, but I forgot because of work and school. It's not like my mom reminds me when I forget to eat", he muttered. Brian turned stiff, and I could feel him shifting subtly away from me. "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just want you to be healthy, then I'm happy", I kissed his forehead. "I'm not upset", he whined and turned his back to me. "Sure", I rolled my eyes. Regardless, I wrapped my hands around him. "What are you doing?", he asked, trying to wiggle out of my grip. "I'm making human sushi", I laughed, capturing his whole body. 

We laid there for a while, until Brian started talking again. "My mom is depressed." "I'm sorry to hear that", I said. "She's getting better. I've noticed. She used to be a wreck. Especially after Eric left. He took care of both of us. I didn't know how to take care of mom." "It's not your job to take care of her", I said. He laughed bitterly. "Maybe it's not your responsibility to take care of your mom, but when parents get sick, it's the child's responsibility to take care of them. That's how I'm raised", he said. "I guess we have different opinions on how parents should behave", I shrugged. "Look, I know my mom doesn't act the best. She can be neglectful of her kids and even herself. But she's making an effort. I just hope she can start working normally. If not, I don't know how she will survive when I leave", he said. "I'll talk care of her", I blurted out. He snorted. "You?", he asked. "Yeah. I'll talk to my mom. We can get her a caretaker or a maid or something", I said. 

I hadn't really thought about it. I just said it to stop Brian's worrying. But I did want to help his mom. And I was pretty sure my mom would be happy to help too. "I don't know...", Brian hesitated. "Let me think about it", he said. Brian turned around and looked dead serious into my eyes. "What now?", he asked. "What do you mean?", I asked. "People at school are going to talk. We can deny the rumors, if you want", he said. "Or?", I asked. "I don't care about people at school. I'm ready to come out. I could probably say that it was a one sided crush from my side, but if you're going to go back to your friends I'm leaving. But considering it's just a few months til' summer break, I could be in a secret relationship with you, then we graduate and move away together", he said. "What if we don't hide our relationship", I said. Brian's eyes widened. "You mean that?", he asked. "Yeah. I want to be your boyfriend. Publicly. If you want to be my boyfriend", I said. I was still nervous. I had no idea if he had forgiven me or not. 

Brian leapt forward and slammed his lips on mine. "Of course I'll be your boyfriend, asshole", he said in between kisses. I grinned. "Good, because I applied to the same college as you. And not to pat my own back, but I'm pretty sure I'll get in", I smirked. "Wait, I never told you where I applied. How did you know?", he asked. "I asked Cole", I sheepishly told him. "Are you friends?", he excitedly asked. "Uh, no. He hates me. But I told him I planned on being your boyfriend and treat you right. I also helped him with his... project", I admitted. "Wait, his revenge plan that involves sleeping with a guy to avenge his gay friend?", he asked. I blinked. "That's his plan?", I asked, alarmed. "Yes", Brian deadpanned. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard", I said, dumbfounded. "He is an idiot", Brian groaned. "Let's not talk about him", he said.

"So we're officially boyfriends now?", I asked. "Yes", Brian giggled. "And were gonna live together?", he asked. "I hope so", I replied. "Let's look at furniture on Pinterest!", Brian exclaimed. And so we spent the whole night cuddling and looking at different interior design. I couldn't lie, the thought of going to school the next day frightened me. But the lump in my throat slightly disappeared when I remembered I had Brian now.

A/N: please vote and comment if you liked this chapter<3