serotonin

chapter nine

dear cass,
would you ever date me
🤭🤭🤭🤭
-lauren

dear paulina,
i have to present
my drama project
next week, i'll cry
-lauren

_____________

bitch.

i scribbled random numbers onto the blank page in front of me. i felt as if my head was killing me. i flipped through all the pages of the test again making sure nothing was blank and seeing if my answers looked even remotely okay.

1. c
2. a
3. c
4. 27 meters

i continued to flip through, trying to see how much work i showed, knowing it counts for grades even if i didn't get the right answer but my brain was absolutely fried. my head was pounding and i haven't gotten much sleep since i was booted from being captain. most people had already finished the test and were on their phones. i took a deep breathe and got up to hand in the awful package of papers.

"cameron, finished?"

"yeah..." mr. benson smiled and took out a red pen right in front of me. i was about to turn around to go sit back down but mr. benson told me to stay and watch as he corrected my test. my gut told me not to listen to him but i decided against it and stayed put.

x
x
x
x
:)
x
x
x
:)
:)
x
x
x

mr. benson always used smiley faces as check marks but in that moment i wanted to punch those stupid things "three on thirteen questions right"

"how?" my heart dropped into my stomach as i looked over the quiz "i don't get it, i studied..." my head was throbbing even more. everything this past month has been going wrong. the devil joining our team, laura and now this? why is life just dragging me through the mud?

"find a tutor or you'll be off the team entirely"

the bell rang and i immediately gathered my things and rushed out if the class. i will not be crying at school today. i can't afford being kicked off the team. football has been my entire life, it's all i've ever known. and now just because of some stupid class i don't need anymore it's being taken away from me immediately? life. is. un. fair.

"cameron" i looked behind me to see jack standing behind me at my locker. i turned around and continued to find my PE shirt in my bag "cameron" he tried again, then again, then again "came-"

"what?" i snapped, shirt in hand, he looked almost worried. there was a sense of guilt behind his eyes but instead of talking he just stared at me with his maths books in his hands "you staring at me is really starting to piss me off" i huffed and slammed my locker shut. out of the corner of my eye i saw payton hold up a lighter.

"yeah, because i just love seeing you riled up don't i?" he took a step forward "seeing you sweat and shake under my presence. seeing you process your every word when i'm around because you don't want to mess up" i tried my best not to swallow too hard as he stared at me. i wasn't expecting jack to even speak in that sense at all.

"move" was all i mustered out before pushing him out of the way. i walked towards the stairs where payton was stood and felt my heart start racing. i felt a churning feeling in my stomach but i suppressed it and moved on up the stairs "what was that about?"

"i wish i knew pay"

***

roll
light
smoke