[EXPERIMENTAL] Novel - "Reincarnated again but on Another World?"

Chapter 32 - Trauma hits harder

'God, I'm tired. Ugh...'

'Why the hell would you stay up all night then?'

It was late at night and I'd been writing and strategizing over and over again to prepare myself for the worst. Of course, whenever I make anything, I immediately devour them with [Gluttony] to not left any evidence behind. I don't want anyone to find out anything that I've written since it contains information that should be impossible for a 6-year-old to know.

'Well, you already know that I'm nervous as a train wreck right now since I don't know what to do with our parents! That's why I'm going to stay up all night to strat-'

'Idiot! You don't need to do that, you know?'

'Why not?! I need to do this so that-'

'You really think your parents will abandon you or your sister because of what happened? Yes, they are disappointed but they will not abandon you like that since you guys are their children, stop being paranoid!'

'I'm not being paranoid! I'm just doing this just in case!'

'Why go so far to do this-'

'Because of my childhood! Have you forgotten?!'

'...I'm sorry. I forgot...'

'Don't sweat it. It's not like you will remember everything about me even if you watch my entire life multiple times.'

She is right. I'm being paranoid. There is no way they will abandon us. I know how much they love us, maybe more than I know. I know that they will still be with us even after this event. So why... why am I doing this...

God, I thought I already buried this a long time ago. I thought I had already overcome it a long time ago. I thought I got used to it now. I guess it triggered again when I saw those expressions... Haha, I'm weak.

In my previous life, I have a rough childhood. I don't even remember how many times I have been abandoned by people I love when I needed them the most. It happens so many times that I got used to them. I got used to them that I thought I have overcome them.

This is the reason why I became very good at analyzing the types of people that I'm dealing with. Even if it doesn't show, most of the time, if not always, would be able to find out what kind of person you are.

From all of the people who abandoned me, they will always have varying expressions but one thing that constantly sticks with all of them... their eyes.

Their eyes, those gazes, those emotions hiding behind their eyes. It scares me, but also infuriates me.

Why do they look like they are pitying me? Why do they look like they are worried about me? Why do they look like they regretted everything? Why are they showing such sad eyes in front of me?!

If you are actually feeling those things for me, then why the hell would you abandon me?! I became so used to this feeling that I became numb. I am not able to feel this way anymore after experiencing it too many times, so why?! Why am I feeling this way again?!

'Tomo, calm down.'

'Yeah, yeah. I know. Just give me a moment.'

'...'

'Tomo. Listen to me. What you are thinking right now is wrong, alright? You must believe me. So get some rest.'

'...'

'Fine.'

I slept. I slept hard. I closed my eyes shut as if I'm never going to open them. Why am I doing this... why am I acting like this... I'm already 15 years old or maybe older, so why am I acting like this... I know that my mind has been rejuvenating this entire time but... have I become such a child...