Dazai X Chuuya (one shots)

💖💔Why am i like this? 💔💖

credits on tik tok to: @chuuyazlover

C/W:angst, gender dysphoria, mentions of self harm and ed

●Chuuya's P.O.V●

"why... why can't I just be pretty why do I have to be like this." I was looking at myself in the mirror and I wanted to vomit why do I look like this I dont fit male standards and I am just horrible at it I just don't fit it why couldn't I have been taller and more muscular although I am strong I feel like it is just my ability

I hate how I look why am i not good enough "maybe I could try and borrow some of koyou's make-up and one of her dresses i mean if i can't look like a man why not just be a woman?" I was just thinking out loud content with my plan

I made my way to kouyou's room and I saw her dresser with her makup on and looked at it and just grabed some things I thought I might need I can just figure out how to do it with a vidieo or somthing and then I looked for a dress that looked like it would fit as she is quite tall so I found one of her shorter dresses that she only wore on certain occasions

I then made my way back to my room and I found a vidieo on YouTube explaining what each product dose and how to use it i then opend the foundation skipping the primer and just went stright to it roughly dabing at my face with a dry sponge they said to wet it but I didn't want to leave my room

after I was done beating my face till it was blended into my skin I then watched onto the video and the next step was contour I was not going to try that so I just skipped to the next stage blush and just putt a little on the upper parts off my cheeks near my eyes and then I moved onto eyeshadow I chose to just do a basic red eyeshadow to match the dress I had borrowed from koyou and then I tried to just blend in the red and then I gave up and and moved onto eyeliner

that step looked the hardest so I just decided to do a smaller line with it and then used a pencil eyeliner for the bottom part of my eye and then I put on some highlighter like the vidieo said and then the final step red lipstick also what i had stolen from koyou and then I went to go and put on the dress

I was struggling to do up the zipper on the back but after I pulled the dress all the way up it sat at around thigh hight it must have been one of koyous older dresses I then moved onto my hair and I wasn't sure what to do with it so I just brushed it and put it up at the back with a clip and then pulled out the front pieces of my hair more to frame my face

I then went and looked in the mirror I mean even though I worked hard I don't think it was good enough and I tried to see if I looked good but then i just started to get sad "I'm a boy.... so why am I doing this to myself it's not fair I am NOT a girl why is society like this why can't I just stop overthinking things why is it so hard."

i just slumped down on the floor and started crying then before I realise what is going on my door is kicked in and there is dazai just being a nuisance and rambling about somthing then I try and collect myself to get up and stop crying and I yelled at him "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM YOU SHITTY DAZAI!!" tears were still streaming down my face

"a-are you okay chuuya...siriously?" dazai asked and I just broke down again and he came over to me and just stared hugging me I cried into his shoulder for a few minutes and at this point he had wrapped his arms around my back just holding me while I cried and then he spoke up again "do you want to talk about it chuu chuu??" dazai asked questioning

"w-why am I the way that i am dazai why am I not good enough to be a boy I want to be a boy but i just don't look like the standard for men and it makes it hard....so... I thought I might make a better girl..." I trailed off as I was speaking

"it's okay chuuya really everyone and everything sucks and if anyone ever says that to you again I will be there so you can go full corruption on them and I can save you because I care about you regardless of your gender or the way that you look and besides ur pretty hot right now"dazia said and I blushed at the last part quite a lot "I know it is a joke but could you calm down for now at least geeez not the time dazai." dazai looked at me with a dead serious face and said "who said I was joking" i blushed and looked down and then dazai said "but sirioisly you dont have to be a boy or a girl you could be gender fluid or non binary and fuck the gender norm it is complete bullshit anyway let's go out and get some dresses and shit then go commit some crimes" I smiled at what dazai said it was actually really sweet of him and it made me feel like he cared and I liked the idea a lot too "let's go do it then dazai" I said as we both stood up and made our way out to get some dresses i threw on my jacket and I grabed my knife and a gun on my way out and tossed the gun to dazai putting my knife into my jacket pocket the we hyjact a car off the side of the road and made our way to the shops.

A/N: idk just say if you want a part two :))