When You're Just The Best Friend | a romance story

Self-Loathing

AGE 13

I've been crying for an hour or so. I climbed into my wardrobe closet and shut out the world. I look down to my hands and find myself holding a strand of my hair.

I've been having terrible hair fall these days.

Ever since i was a little girl, i was known for having the most beautiful hair ever. Although i used to hate my long curly and frizzy hair, the rest of my class loves it.

I would rather have normal straight hair that isn't hard to maintain. I dont like spending hours detangling my hair. I would so much rather have short, naturally straight hair.

Every girl in my class would compliment my hair.
"I wish I had hair as long as yours!"
"They look so cute in braids omg you're so lucky!"
"Must be nice to have hair half as tall as you, right?"

No. Not right.

But right now, while I'm sitting in a closet bawling my eyes out, i wish i had taken good care of my hair back then. Because nowadays, everytime i comb my hair, i lose a half a quater of it.

I'm pretty sure I used to have twice as much as hair on my head. I didn't have to tie it up back then. Because just putting on a scrunchie, without tying it, would be enough.

But i need three ties of the same scrunchie.

I'm too scared to tell my mother. Too embarassed. But I'm going to get bald at this point.

I wait a few days to see if the falling stops. It doesn't.

So i tell her. I try to explain but i break into a sob.

"M-my hair" sob, sob "It's gone."
More sobs

I'm sorry, but how do you even explain something like this?

But my mom seems to have understood. She hurries over to me and removes my hair tie.

I hear her gasp. That's when i see the back of my head for the first time.
I know for a fact that i saw my soul leave my body right that moment.

Because there are two mirrors in that room. I'm standing in the middle of them both. I stare at the spot my mom was looking at through the mirror infront of me.

And there's a bald spot.

I feel like I'm about to drop unconscious. How- how am I ever supposed to go to school now? I can't braid such thin hair, and if the bald spot is so prominent when my hair is down, i don't even want to think about how visible it will be in braids.

I cry more i think. My mom leaves the room with wide eyes. Shes disappointed in me. I bet she thinks i pulled on my hair too much while combing or that i scratched my head too much when i had dandruff a few weeks back.

But I've done my research. I've been looking for reasons to cause such sudden hairfall. And then i read something that hit home. I read something that would be the only possible cause.

Stress. The stress from being terrified of getting caught lying, the stress from being exhausted pretending, the stress from school work, the stress from my parents who want me to become a police officer just stress in general.

I also have a bad habit. I scratch my head whenever I'm nervous or scared.
And i have very long nails so sometimes i start bleeding in the scalp. Sometimes.

But it's been a while since i last scratched my head. i had been trying to get rid of that habit because makes people think i have head lice.

I was taken to a dermatologist. Who said I needed to take vitamin pills and i need stop detangling my hair for a while. He said i could comb my hair only when VERY necessary, but only if i have a detangling spray.