My Liberation Notes

12

When I was a child, I was asked to hand in what we had prayed about at church.

Looking at what my friends wrote, I saw that they're praying about grades and about school they want to get into.

I thought,
"Why would they pray for that?"
"They're seriously praying for that?"
"To God?"
"But it's God."

Then suddenly there's another question that comes into my mind.

The only one thing I was curious about.

"What am I?"

"Why am I here?"

I didn't exist before 1991,
and I won't exist in 50 years,
but I feel like I existed before
and will still exist after that.

The feeling that I'll exist forever.

I've been frustrated by that feeling,
and I've never, in my heart..

ever, felt settled.

I feel uneasy in bed,
I feel uneasy around people.

"Why can't I laugh happily like other people?"

"Why am I sad all the time?"

"Why am I always nervous?"

"Why everything is so boring?"

It feels like people are all scarecrows.

They don't really know what they are.
They're just acting as if they do.

In a way, people who say they live healthily and happily, 

may be the people who decided to put all these questions behind them.

People who have decided to lie and say,
"This is just how life is."

I'll never do that.

I don't care about where I'll go after I die.

All i want is to see heaven while I'm alive.