Fix-Her Upper

Rooster

"What I miss?" Matty jokes and then he notices the cheeseboard is gone. "I knew she was going to steal that." He lifts the canteen and takes a swig. My gaze is to the screen when he asks, "Do you like the wine? It goes great with the cheddar cubes." He snags a couple from his mom and then goes to pop one in my mouth again. I pluck the cube from his fingers and then say, "My stomach is actually a little sour, so I am okay at the moment."

"Oh no, my mom usually has Tums. Do you want me to ask?" He goes to get her attention but I stop him.

"No, it's fine. Really." I give him a small smile and then look back at the screen. My phone is still in my lap and I feel it buzz. Matty drops his hand on top of mine that was resting on the blanket and it feels...wrong. I'm not used to holding another man's hand and his is so soft and small compared to Mark's giant ones. He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand and my stomach jumps into my throat. I don't know if I am ready for this. Any of this. And if I were, I don't think I want to try out the dating thing with Matty. I tried. I just don't think that spark is there.

I slip my hand away and flip my phone over. I know it's rude but I don't like it being held.

Finn: I did bowl a turkey, but not a perfect score. I may have bowled a 300 if I wasn't distracted by a girl texting me about her perfect date.

I smirk as I type,

Me: Don't blame your shit aim on me. A true pro can block out the distractions.

"Everything okay?" Matty asks me with a quick glance at my phone. I have no idea if he saw who I was texting or the three red hearts in the contact info, so I shake my head and say, "Yeah. Just some house stuff. I'll be right back." I pop up off the blanket and wander away from our section. I have no idea why I accepted this date with Matty. I have a crush on Finn and am not in the right headspace to just date around. I think I realized that when I noticed I did not like my hand being held. Or being fed.

My phone buzzes and I smile when I see it's Finn.

Finn: I'm finding it impossible to block you out.

My heart flips and I stop in my tracks. That's being flirty right? That was just a confession.

Unless he meant it literally like he can't block me because I am constantly annoying him or breaking things. I'm too loud of a noise to be blocked out.

Me: My bad. I can leave you alone so you can go bowl a turkey. Matty is attempting to hold my hand and it's hard to type with one thumb.

There, that way if he is actually annoyed by me he knows I am on a date and will leave him alone now. And if he isn't...then maybe he'll be a little jealous. I continue to walk aimlessly with a confident stride so if Matty looks over at me, it looks like I am walking with a purpose.

It's not like there is a bathroom I can dip into, or a car to go sit in, but I am not ready to go back to the blanket either. Maybe I can just watch the movie next to a tree? Or go buy something else at the snack bar? My phone buzzes and I snatch it up.

Finn: Is his mom holding his other hand?

I grin, if he wanted to be left alone he wouldn't have asked a question. He would have left my last text at that.

Me: She is. It's going to be real awkward when we all share a goodnight kiss.

I giggle at the image that comes to mind and then spin around to face the lawn. Couples are scattered everywhere and a collective laugh is heard at the famous necklace box scene. I wish I could be enjoying this, I'm just not into it.

I sigh and then decide to just look at this as an evening with friends and not a date. Drop all romantic notions and just go watch a movie. I tried and failed. It's fine, it's not like I needed to find love quickly anyway. Especially here in Arkansas.