Stucky

Past

There was this part of Bucky, slowly, painfully eating away at him. A part he had never been allowed to except in the 40's, and he certainly wasn't going to except it now. He could change. He was most certainly NOT in love with Steve Rogers. Nope. Not in love with Captain perfect, not the all-American man, most certainly NOT with his best friend. Nope.

Bucky had first met Steve when they were 10 years old. Steve had fallen off of the monkey bars, and he couldn't get up. Bucky, upon learning that Steve's mother was at home sick, unable to get him, helped Steve home, and stayed at his house for dinner. They had been best friends ever since.

He was 15 when he first realized his feelings for Steve. Realized and immediately buried. And made sure his best friend would never know. Poor Steve, all small and sickly, and completely lonely. Except for with Bucky, of course. Bucky stayed by his side, arranging double dates, and watching out for the little punk. Every once in a while, Steve would actually go on the dates. And everytime he did something inside Bucky died. He could never find Steve the right girl. Nobody wanted him. Except Bucky. Bucky, who was forced to leave Steve for the war. It killed him to know he wouldn't be able to watch out for Steve. Or anybody else.

His parents had just adopted a child, a girl who was only 12, yet who he told everything. He had even told her about Steve late one night, when his parents had left the house for a weekend, and they were cooped up in his room, listening to the radio. She hated the war reports, so they jumped from station to station, listening to their favorite songs while they could. And she had listened, and told him to love who he wanted, and take care of Steve the best he could. So the next day, he took Steve out, with two girls to Stark's expo, and found Steve trying to enroll to the army once again. He left him to it, never thinking he would ever make it. Bucky left to fight the next day.

After he left, his mind was everywhere and nowhere at once. Until the bombs started falling, and men started dying all around him and oh my god he was going to die. OhmygodohmygodohmygodhewasgoingotdiewithoutSteve. Steve. That exact moment his mind clicked, and he surged forward, fighting, fighting for Steve, not relenting. He kept going until he got caught. By the Nazis. They had plans for him, he knew it. Testing, experimenting, until a new Steve came to get him. The same Steve, he told himself. Only he wasn't. He had changed. He finally knew what praise felt like, and he had become more confident. More heroic, than ever. Sometimes Bucky would sit in his bunk and cry to himself silently at the thought of it. He knew he would have to talk to Dawn as soon as he could. But he never did.

Falling off of that train was the most painful part of the war. Not dying. No. Just falling, seeing Steve's face as he did so, his mind rushing with questions. Would Steve make it out ok? Would he remember him? When would his parents find out? Would Dawn miss him? Would Steve ever know how he felt?

He had woken up what felt like moments later, in a Hydra facility, and the testing started all over again. They did have a plan, and it was painful. They had replaced his arm, lost in the fall, with some metal contraption, which rid him of pain, but made him feel inhuman. And as soon as he was taken into a room, exactly the same as the one Steve had found him in, barely conscious, he knew he was going to die. He already had military training, nothing else mattered. So when they wiped his memory, he had no idea what to do. There was some small part of his subconscious that knew there was something else, but he didn't know what it was until he heard his name again. His name coming from Steve.

Then, memories started flowing back to him, until he was thrown into that damned machine, and his memory was erased. Again. But he fought it, somehow held onto that last memory, and when Steve was there again, he tried to remember, he tried so hard, but he just couldn't. He didn't know him enough to trust him, enough to refuse his leaders, even though he knew they were evil, they were all they knew. It was until he heard those barely spoken words that he knew how to get himself back. "The end of the line," Steve whispered. and when he did, everything fell together. Yet, everything fell apart, too. He remembered everything to late to stop his actions, and soon him and Steve were falling out of the plane.