Flip Side of Love

Chapter 5

Christopher could not sleep, there was too much on his mind. First of all was his company, people were slacking off as late, with deadlines being missed because of problems unaccounted for. Secondly, he suddenly felt extremely small in his own home. He was scared of a place he had lived in for almost three years. Thirdly, she had not left. So, now he knows he is definitely mad. So there he was, on his bed. Hands clasped on top of his pelvis, unmoving, and breath shallow. He was not even laying in his bed no, he was on top of it, on top of the covers.

"You look uncomfortable." Nicky stated, as though disgusted by the fear he was displaying.

"I need something to do."

"No, you think you need something to do. But you don't." Nicky told matter-of-factly.

"My mind refuses to be quiet." Christopher tried to argue.

"Right." The way she dragged out the word, made it clear Nicky did not believe him.

"What's with the tone?"

"What tone?"

"You know what tone I'm talking about."

"Then I suppose you know what said tone is all about then?"

"Stop being so cryptically, confusing." Christopher begged. One sentence away from rubbing his temples, as a last ditch effort to soothe his brain.

"Fine. Is it that, your mind won't quieten, or you won't let it quieten?" Nicky questioned.

"Again, with the cryptics," Christopher whined.

"You and I both know you don't want your mind to quieten, because you're afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of what your mind will conjure up, without you directing your thoughts."

"That's ridiculous."

"Don't ask me questions if you're just gonna call my answers ridiculous. Go to sleep, maybe you'll wake up with some bravery." Nicky scoffed, walking out of the room and leaving Christopher alone with his thoughts.

Rolling his eyes, he huffed like a scolded child. Scared? Who was scared? Nicky did not know what she was talking about, Christopher was perfectly fine with his mind running wild. He did not need to direct his thoughts, he just needed his mind to slow down, that is all. He also needed his employees to stop being so incompetent, and for this chill to leave his house. Shaking his head, he scoffed once again before settling down.

- - -

"What are you looking for? Like what is your ideal partner?" He had been trying to seek out this information for a while, and finally a window of opportunity had presented itself. As the only single guy in the group, he never thought he would thank his happily loved up friends for having the one thing he longed for but failed to foster. Asking them what they had looked for in their ideal partner, had allowed him to turn the question to her.

"My ideal partner?" She laughed out, not at all expecting such a question to come out of his mouth.

"I think... when I find that someone, whom I'm comfortable enough to be me with. I know it's a cliché but, I mean it deeper than that, like... Like when you're able to be the you who your family grew up with. Because no matter what you say or what you do, at the end of the day, that you is the real you. Because everything else just falls short, even if it's by a breath. If I'm not that kid it's not lasting. I just want to be that kid again, and when I find that person who lets me do it then, I'm never gonna let that go."

- - -

"I probably should have read the room huh? But no, little Miss Oblivious here. A month later and I still hadn't taken a hint. Oh well, I'm glad you got the courage to ask in the end." Nicky laughed, legs crossed sitting next to his lying figure.

"Me too." Christopher barely managed to voice his agreement. His breathing was laboured as he struggled to control his racing heart. He had never woken up so violently from sleep, the last time he had been nine having just watched 'The 5th Wave' through the crack of his bedroom door (the benefits/trap of having a room that directly faced the living room).

"Really?" Nicky asked, one eyebrow raised. It took Christopher a moment to figure out what she was referring to. He would always be glad he mustered up the courage.

"Really." Christopher confirmed, his voice finally regaining some firmness.

"So if given the chance you wouldn't take it all back?" Nicky tried once again, leaning in towards Christopher.

"I'd rather die." Christopher replied seriously, sitting up to lean on his elbow and leaning in towards Nicky.

"I would."

"What?"

"I'd take it back."

"Wha..why?"

"Knowing what I know now, how it all ends. I would take it all back."

"What, what do you mean?"

"You. Your state and condition. If taking it back would turn you back to the person you were before this all happened, then I would take it back."

"That's not fair."

"What? If it was me, in your position right now, if you had to watch me dwindle away... Would it be unfair then?"

"Nicky." Christopher called out her name but she was gone. It's funny, the one time he did not wish her away and she leaves.