Flip Side of Love

Chapter 22

"I'm all for fun, but we've been running around non stop. Can we take a break?" Taylor whined.

"We have one last ride, come one." Christopher encouraged, causing his friends to let out collective groans. "You'll enjoy this one, trust me." Christopher laughed, as he proceeded to weave through the crowd. It took a while but they finally made it to the back of the carnival, revealing the ride Christopher had left for last.

"Okay, you were right."

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Christopher teased.

"I know we said she rubbed off on you, but this, this is becoming too much." Taylor snapped, causing Christopher to laugh.

"Come on, let's go line up."

It had been a night full of fun, with the gang hopping from one attraction to another. From bumper cars, to the clown heads, to roller coasters, to hook-a-duck, it was jam packed night. Everyone brimming with excitement as they let out their inner child. Christopher had forgotten about all the sadness he had been feeling earlier this morning. Considering he had been dreading the 27th of August, the day had not turned out so bad. He was glad, he had friends with him, if he was being honest to himself, they were the ones who had made all the difference. Now, finally the night was coming to an end, they had exhausted the entire carnival, as though it was their first time experiencing such an event.

"Group of six? I'll get three on one side and three on the other." The attendant at the door said, as he turned to their group which had finally made it to the front of the line. Christopher let his friends hop in the cart, as he stood back, motioning for the attendant to close the door. His friend looked at him quizzingly, but he just smiled in response as he watched them move up. Hopping in the next cart, he settled his bear across from him, before looking out the window.

"It's a nice view isn't it?" Nicky asked.

"Hmm." Christopher hummed, turning his attention to Nicky.

"Just wait till we get to the top. Too bad we can't do the whole cliché kiss at the top."

"It's not the only cliché thing we can't do." Christopher said softly.

"Did you at least have a nice time?"

"I had an amazing time. Asserted my dominance over an overconfident teenager, ate my weight in fairy floss, won a bunch of things, almost vomited multiple times..." Christopher trailed off, as soft laughter overtook him.

"That's good."

"Yeah, still felt like something was missing though. Tried to ignore it."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why did you try to ignore it?" Nicky clarified.

"Cause you told me to be happy."

"Being happy doesn't mean burying your pain."

"Then I'm confused, because I don't know what you want."

"I want you to embrace the loss, which you've been doing unconsciously. Your friends kept emphasising something the entire night; the influence I've had on you. That, you using my mannerisms, fighting with teens, that's you living for two. Loss doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can change you for the better. Having me in the back of your mind, doesn't have to feel like you're being haunted. It can help you grow, it can allow you to make good decisions and to try new things, like you have your own personal cheerleader."

"If I embrace it, accept it... then it's truly over. And, I don't want it to be over. I don't think I can survive if it's truly over." Christopher said, choking on the unshed tears that clouded his eyes.

"Accepting something is gone, doesn't mean you have to let go. It just means you understand that you're allowed to live. Because that's how you honour something isn't it? How you build a legacy, how you allow it to keep living, how you hold on without losing yourself."

Looking out the window, Christopher allowed the tears to fall. His cart on the Ferris Wheel had finally reached the top. He could not deny the beauty as he took in the view. He spent his entire three minutes at the top, with tears streaming down his face, and a nostalgic smile on his face.

---

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Christopher answered, coughing when his voice cracked. Austin took a moment to inspect Christopher's face, despite the tear shining in his eyes, Austin saw truth in Christopher's eyes.

"I'm glad you decided to invite us out. It's a good thing you're not alone and cooped up considering what day it is." Austin told his friend, wrapping his arm around his shoulder in a side hug.

"Yeah well the book has a vendetta against me." Christopher grumbled out.

"Uhhh...?"

"I'm serious, why else would it let me scratch out this particular activity. Telling you man, it's got it out for me."

"Vendetta or not, this was good for you. I haven't seen you this happy in a long time."