Flip Side of Love

Chapter 27

"You're probably thinking of bargaining, but no. Not me, I like to do things differently so, I dropped off the face of the earth. I went on a sabbatical, which was really just a depression. So, sorry for getting back to you so late but, things were tough. Nicky wouldn't let me wallow in my own self pity for too long though. If you didn't know, ironically two months ago to the date was our anniversary. Talk about dramatic satire, am I right? So, Nicky and I had this thing on our anniversary. Like our 'Couple List' we made a scratch-it-book for our anniversaries. We brainstormed a whole lot of activities, fifty each to make a hundred, talk about wishful thinking. Then we sent them off to be compiled in a scratch-it-book. Each year we would go to a random page, and whatever activity was scratched out that's what we'd do. Nicky forced me to continue tradition, and what do you know? I scratched out the one activity Nicky had been desperately looking for; 'try all the rides and activities at the amusement park'. So, off I went and I lived for two instead of one for the first time since it happened. I kept thinking about how much fun Nicky would've had, but in a good way.

I kept thinking about all the crazy things she would have done, and did them. All the conversations she would have started, and started them. All the havoc she would have caused, and wrecked it. All the memories she would have made, and made them. Every picture, smile, deed and saying was all for her. It was great for a while, I had a pep in my step as I lived for her. It was the happiest I'd been in a long time. Then the month of the incident came and everything collapsed. Which was really your fault, yes I mean everyone gathered in this room, I'm talking to all of you. You started tip-toeing around me and treating me differently. Telling me that you were there for me. And whilst I appreciate all you tried to do for me, it just highlighted that once again something was off. Something had happened, and no matter how much living I did, nothing was going to change. I couldn't turn back time. Bit by bit, I began retreating into myself. I kept on hearing about how great a person Nicky was, and all the great things she did. Suddenly I didn't seem important anymore. Suddenly I was wondering why Nicky? Why not me? Suddenly, I was bargaining."