The Farmer's Daughter

Decisions, decisions

Papa's condition had gotten worse. They had found him fast asleep at mama's grave near death. His cough had gotten much worse and he had developed a cold. No doctor in town had the resources to help him. No doctors had the knowledge to help him beyond the cold.

I sat at our dining table pondering all that the town doctor told me minutes before. 'His condition had worsened', he said. 'I'm not sure what I can do to lessen his pain', he said. All the things that a daughter doesn't want to here about a parent. My heart weighed heavy as a decision loomed over my head. The entire world had fallen on my shoulders. My arms shook and I knew I wouldn't hold on.

All traces of the fete was long gone. "Ce va, Annette?" Philippe knelt down besides me. I hadn't even heard him come in. My mind was everywhere but in the present. "Non, Philippe," a silent tears fell, "pas tres mal." Philippe and his father had brought papa up to his chambré. "What did Docteur Thibuelt say?" I wiped away my tear as I finally met his eyes.

"Papa isn't getting any better. Docteur Thibuelt said that it would be prudent for him to have a city doctor. But, we have no way to afford it." I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Someone else does have the fortune." Someone who would hold it over my head to force me do her bidding. Philippe eyed me sympathy. I wipe away any reminiscence of my pitiful morning. I still have my fete dress on, I realized. I should change before I leave. "Oh, Philippe," I sigh, discouraged. "I am off to see my Lady Grandmother."

*****

I am seated at my grandmother's tea table waiting for her to walk through those doors. With my anxieties on the rise, I had forgotten to eat. Or even take a sip of water. I couldn't even remember what my last meal was. I assume it was before or during the fete. I sipped on the tea and munched on the biscuits as unladylike as I could possibly do it. It was probably the last thing I did as Annette. As the regular version of myself that even now seems foreign.

"Quelle surprise." Grandmother entered as glamorous as always. Well tailored and finely bejeweled. "Pardon, grandmere. Where you expecting another? I can take my leave." Her shoes clicked on the tile floor as she strode in. "Nonsense! I'll always have time for my granddaughter." She leaned in and kissed my cheeks. "Although I am surprised to see you, since you practically ran out here the day before." I knew that was a snipe at my behavior. It didn't matter to me though. My mind was on one thing and one thing only.

"Um," I cleared my throat, willing my hands to stop shaking. I hoped I wasn't committing an error. Papa needed professional help with his condition. "My father is I'll and there isn't much hope for him to get better in Pierre-mont. He needs a city doctor. A doctor we don't have the money for." I couldn't meet her eyes as I spoke. It was shameful for me. Later I came to know that a DuPont rarely asks for help. It is not in our nature to do such a thing. It doesn't really matter then and it especially doesn't matter now. For my papa, I would steal if it had come to that. I wouldn't have succeeded in all honesty.

Grandmother had strangely kept her silence. Her face was stoic. It didn't stop me from continuing. "They found him cold and unconscious at my mother's grave. He hasn't woken up in h-hours." My voice breaks at the end of my sentence. I tightly closed my eyes to keep the tears from falling. The pressure was getting to me. What kind of daughter has no idea of their own father's sickness? How could I not notice? Was I being too selfish? So self centered? If I had none earlier, none of this would be happening!

"Easy, my child!" Grandmother had gotten up from her seat without me noticing. "It is alright to feel overwhelmed," she embraced my shoulders and pulled me close, "but only this once! Cry, weep, scream. Do what you must to overcome what you are feeling in this moment. And once it's done, it is done. You shall stand tall and embrace the violent winds that threaten to overtake you, do you understand?" I nodded my head as I cried. I felt the stones take form within my chest. Every sob, every tear and every whimper had slowly built a wall inside. In those moments, I let myself mourn for the life I had lost in one swell swoop.

By the time I was done, both Grandmother and I knew what was decided. We needn't have to use words to understand each other.

"I'll send for the family physician, Marie-Annette," she informed me as we ate. "Your father will be well, I promise you. But you know that this won't come at just any price, do you?" I took a deep breath. "Oui, grandmere." She set her teacup down onto her saucer. "Good. Now that the fete is over and one with, the nobles have decided to do one last soirée before going back to court. You will leave with me to start your tutoring." I almost refused. I almost screamed in her face and ran for my life.

"When shall we leave for the city, grandmere?" I asked instead.

"The soirée will be within the week," she answered me without so much of a glance in my direction. I'm sure my face would be telling everything that I was keeping quiet. "So, we shall leave the next day." I'm taken aback. One week? We shall leave in one week? That's too soon. I have much to do! Much to take care of. Decisions to make. "Who shall take care of my father? I cannot just leave him here. Legally speaking, you're the only family we have left! Papa own parents died before he arrived in Pierre-mont."

Oh, merde! A headache had started to form near my temples. "Alright, alright," Grandmother folded her hands on her lap ever so gracefully, "we have much to talk about and even more to decide amongst ourselves. It is true, I am the only family that can take care of both you and your father. He is my son by marriage, whether I like it or not. I will do everything in my power to keep him healthy and alive." Her eyes suddenly turned grief stricken. I'm sure my own mirrored them. "It is what Celeste would've wanted." My heart turned bitter. Mama wanted many things. And, as it turned out, she would get what she wanted. I wondered if she ever visited us. And if she did, was she happy with how everything ended?