Where Are You Now, Sam? or Chaos, Space and Bananas (ESC 2022 FANFIC)

10

The spaceship was ready to launch. All the engines working, all the buttons at the control panel were glimpsing in different colors. There was not so much space, but just enough for a pilot and two aliens coming home to the Moon.

The question is, why did they land on Earth in the first place? Well, just like us, earthlings, questioning life on other planets, they were doing the same. They heard there were living creatures on this planet called Earth, and that there were these gorgeous delicious fruit growing there, going by the exotic name of bananas.

As they landed on Earth, their spaceship crashed and was impossible to fix. Two poor mooniers were left somewhere in the snowy mountains, with nothing to eat, no one to talk to, with no way to come back home.

That's when Sam, a future NASA genius, came to help.

Observing the space he noticed weird signals and was beyond happy to found out he made a connection with true aliens. Even though nobody believed him, he knew he was not mistaking. The aliens – nameless at the time, later Sam, not sure if they had names, decided to call them Jim and Keith – were ready to do everything to come back home. Sam promised to help them. He checked for how much can you buy the cheapest space ship, and it turned out there was a discount on AliExpress, with free shipping as well, only sixty-two million dollars. He could not pay that much money himself. But he knew who could.

That's right. No, not NASA. His school EBU.

But of course, he couldn't tell anyone about this encounter. Science people would've taken Jim and Keith as their hostages and done millions of experiments, without letting them out alive. And Sam made a deal. He'll manage to get the money to buy the spaceship for Keith and Jim, plus a hundred kilos bananas as a souvenir from Earth, but the moon inhabitants will have to help him out with this mission, plus take him to their home on the Moon for a visit and then let Sam keep the spaceship so that he could fly across the space whenever he liked and wouldn't have to rent it from NASA.

That sounded like a genius plan that wouldn't hurt anyone, except maybe EBU, but nobody really cared about them cuz they were rich and Sam was graduating either way so whatever. But how is he supposed to get that money from his school? That's right, the easiest way is to have them hand in the money themselves.

In the spaceship cabin you could see a dozen of boxes, filled with bananas. Next to them, an astronaut costume was laying on the ground – yup, the same one that was seen in the school yesterday. A long haired viking with a smile of a puppy was sitting in pilot's seat, controlling the buttons, ready to launch.

''Jim, Keith, are you ready? Jim? Keith?''

They were not.

The yellow faced wolves in black suits were standing with their heads down. They didn't want to leave the Earth.

''We had so much fun yesterday. Moreover, we understood one thing. That we actually would make great detectives. So we decided to stay here and work as ones''.

Sam was looking at them in shock. ''So you're telling me all of this kidnap–scene was done for nothing, and now you actually will stay on Earth?'', he gasped.

''Not for nothing'', denied Keith. ''You have a spaceship. Wouldn't have had it if it wasn't for us. And now you have two best friends from the Moon. When we want to go home, you can take us by this spaceship. And we all had so much fun yesterday. We thank you for that.''

''Besides, your friends are coming'', cheered Jim. ''Fly them to the Moon and back. They did some great acting yesterday. Nobody noticed they were working on our side.''

Right when he finished, two female voices chanted:

''Hola mi bebebe!''

''Hej hej hej!''

It was Chanel and Cornelia, one was holding a bottle of mango juice, the other a bottle of champagne.

''Were you already thinking of leaving without us?''

''You're late as usual'', complained Sam but there was no grudge in his voice. ''Jim and Keith decided to stay on Earth and become private detectives. We'll be flying alone.''

''I'm proud of you, my puppies'', Chanel hugged the suited guys and wished them the best. Sam and Cornelia did the same. When all was set and ready, they seated their belts and the spaceship took off with only three of them.

As they were flying above the clouds, feeling bigger than the universe, sipping champagne and mango juice and mixing them up, eating bananas that the spaceship was filled with, Sam looked at two of his friends and asked, ''Are we criminals for this behavior?''

''Oh, please'', Cornelia cut him off. ''Either way, we three are the best students of EBU, we deserve at least some luxury after all. Besides, we did a damn good job yesterday, nobody had a clue of our plan. And we made the little yellow aliens happy. And now deserve some holiday on the Moon. Happy end for us!''

''You know, I got really emotional when I saw the final scoreboard of the class, standing right at the top, next to you guys'', Chanel began her story. ''I was just a casual girl from Benidorm school; even those from Benidorm who get into EBU never do well. And here I am – one against all odds, making my family proud.''

''I was pretty much a dark horse as well before coming to EBU'', admitted Cornelia. ''Never did I expect to reach that high.''

Sam agreed with his friends, adding ''And everyone around me was telling that I shouldn't even go to EBU, because for a kid where I am from it's impossible to reach any heights.''

''And look at us now.''

''Look at us, deceiving our own school and buying the spaceship from their money.''

''You know what, we actually are too good for our school'', Sam smiled from ear to ear, raising his glass (they were so smart and cool that neither the gravitation or the lack of it could touch them). ''Cheers to that, folks!''

''Cheers!''

''Cheers!''

And there you go, kids. The story came to an end. As Sam, Chanel and Cornelia were enjoying themselves in outer space in their own private spaceship for 62 million dollars, the lives on the Earth we continuing as usual. Somebody happy, somebody sad, somebody in love, somebody with a broken heart. Not to mention that the real heroes – the Kalush brothers – never attended the party, but were unanimously voted to become the kings of class 2022, but what do these awards even mean, when there are way more cruel and important things going on in the world at the moment? Just don't tell it to Sam, Chanel or Cornelia. Let them believe they were the best. Because, let's face it, yes they were.

The end.