A Thousand Thoughts |Dabi X Reader|

Nauseating

                       -DABI'S POV-

The women legs wrap around me, and I can see it in her dark eyes that she wants more. Anything to get my mind off things. I stumble to my door, the women's perfume overwhelms my senses and I can't help but compare her to Y/N while reaching for my doorknob.

My hands hold her warm waist, her hands pull softly at my hair and and can tell she's to scared to touch me face as I kiss her. Y/N wouldn't care. Shit, stop thinking of her you son of a bitch. If she knew what you were doing right now it would break her. The women wrapped around me pulls me back to reality when she tugs a little harsher, her tongue sliding across me lower lip. I groan quietly into her.

Suddenly something feels off. I look up over the random women's shoulder and see Y/N standing there in here cute little cozy outfit, big, fuzzy socks and a blushing, shocked face. As she realizes what happening I glare at her. Fuck. Of course this is happening.

Considering how Y/N found me, and how I glare at her it makes since why she drops her gaze to the floor. I can see the utter heartbreak painted on her face in dark colors. She opens her mouth to speak but her voice is lost, she tries again and says, "Sorry, wrong room." Before disappearing from sight.

I huff I dismay as the women draws my attention and she says 'innocently', "Forget her babe, let's have some fun."

Giving her a bored look I gently drop her to her feet and reply, "Sorry, not tonight." Her eyebrows furrow and mouth pinches together and I can't stop the thought that if Y/N did that it would be cuter. Guilt runs me over like a fucking train and I turn down the hall to Y/N.

Her face. The hurt on it, the look of humiliation and desperation hits me harder than anyone ever has. When I was little I had promised myself I would never hurt her. The promise is broken for good. And that boys is long gone. He was buried when that damn tombstone was placed into the ground.

Fuck, Fuck, mother fucking Fuck. Shit. Fuck you universe, you just have to go and ruin everything. Well... Okay maybe it wasn't all the universes doing. It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone into that club, drank so much, or even glanced at that women. It's not like she was ugly or rude she just... isn't Y/N.

And now Y/N, after her being vulnerable last night, is hurting. Because of me. Again. Crap.

Dread fills my soul and I have to remind myself to breathe because I keep stopping to try and stop all the feelings. It feels awful. I hate feelings. I've been numb for so long I forgot how they felt.

When I arrive at her door I knock and hear stifled silence. I knock again and say, "Open up, it's me."

More silence. I bang on the door growing insanely worried for Y/N'S well being. I remember how she could get when she was at her low. "Open this door or I swear to God I'm going to burn it fucking down!"

I hear sniffling and at the top of her lungs I hear Y/N scream, "Fuck off you asshole, I don't won't you in my room or my life! Leave. me. alone." I can hear the crack in her voice and her struggling sobs.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Quietly I press my forehead against the door and say, "I will, okay. I-I'm sorry... Y/N."

When I start to walk away I hear her say sadly, "Sorry isn't enough anymore."

Leaving her to her sadness I slink back to me room. My anger flares through me, causing the heat in the room to rise. I wish I wasn't here. Then I couldn't hurt her. I. Fucking. Hate. Myself. So. Fucking. Much. No longer able to hold it back I slam my fist into the wall, my fist filled with blue flames licking up my wrist. The wall cracks around the impact.

I sink to the floor my hands sizzling in front of me. Blood seeps from under my scars. My only way of crying since my tear ducts have been burned out. It keeps coming and soon enough my hands are covered in dark maroon blood. The smell is nauseating.