London's Calling : Ed Sheeran Fanfiction [Wattys 2015]

Chapter 33: Start Over

Ed's POV :

I know I keep writing from Ed's POV, but it's easier to explain this whole process, and it's fun to see from his perspective for me. Sorry guys!

The ride home from the hospital for the second time was 100 times worse than the first. Her hair hung in her face and she kept to herself, the silence killed me.

When I reached and placed my hand on her lower thigh, she flinched quickly and then eased a bit back to her other position and resituating her head. Her arms wrapped loosely around her stomach. I knew that she was guarding her sewn up wound. I knew that words would not help her now, and if they could, I'm not sure if I could find the ones she needed.

Instead, I slid closer to her and made small circles with my thumb.

When we arrived at our apartment, I grabbed her hand and walked at her place which consisted of her barely lifting her feet.

I do not believe she was pitying herself, because she never did. She simply did not have the energy for her life anymore. My love was strong, but even I know that the biggest love in the world cannot be the only thing holding a person together. All things end, and, with her experiences, she now feared endings.

As absurd as I know it is, she may believe that we will end. That someday we will not look at each other the same and lose the butterflies in our stomachs. The little moments or looks that turn our faces warm. The lust after a long day, even when there is very little energy left. It seems impossible, but it just happens without intent. Being with her seems so natural.

As we walked into the living room, she straightened the blanket on the top of the couch and headed down the hall to the bed room.

"I'm just going to lay down for a bit.You should do something, you know, maybe grab a drink with your friends." her voice got softer as she slowly disappeared in the room and closed the door almost all the way behind her.

"Leylah I --" I heard the blankets rustle and knew that she hadn't even changed.

I walked back and opened the door softly.

"Ley, love, I don't want to leave you. Especially not like this" I sat on the end of the bed and her legs moved from where the were up to her stomach as she made herself into a ball.

"Ed, I'm fine. Just, I don't know, go live your life. You been hanging over me for weeks now and it's getting old" she snapped.

I could not believe the words that came from her mouth. I knew that her mind was fumbling to fathom the current events, but she should know that I'm just trying to help.

"Sorry then" and I got up and left. As I closed the door I mumbled an "I love you too" then I shut it with more force than normal.

As I walked down the street to the bar, I knew that I was being more irrational then I should have been, but I had not gotten to blow off my steam and stress that I had built up from the intense weeks that I had had. I wasn't blaming Leylah, but there wasn't even any time to spare for me and I felt like I wasn't even able to help as things got more and more upsetting. Maybe I was even making it worse.

The ring of the bell as I walked into the bar made me feel at home and I slid into the stool and ordered the beer I had been waiting 3 and a half weeks for.

______________________________________________

Leylah's POV:

I expected Ed to be away for a few hours, but as it got later and later, I began to worry. I shouldn't have because I knew he needed his time and I had quickly gotten over his little spurt before he left. He needed to blow off steam and I understood that, but where was he.