TOO LATE {EDITED VERSION}

Chapter 6

Wei Wuxian POV 

"Lan Zhan~ You've... changed" 

Half-an-hour ago

I woke up all sweaty, a dream? But I didn't have time to think through it, someone rang the bell, "EMERGENCY" I'm in Gusu? Immediately fixing myself and I went out and... 

I heard the disciples panicking, "Quick, Grandmaster Lan! Hangguang-Jun!" I didn't think twice before going to the place, it reeks of Demonic Cultivation, the other disciples reminded me that the door couldn't be opened. But how can I give up when Lan Zhan is inside?

Placing a talisman on the door I forced it to open. I saw other disciples, Lan Sizhui was one of them, Lan Zhan was trying to contain the arm while Zewu-Jun was giving soul power to Lan Qiren. 

I took out my flute and tried to calm it, didn't work. No other choice I played the same song I played at Budha Mountain. Lan Zhan joined me, of course, it was him who sang this song to me, how could he not know the song itself? 

Lan Qiren was infuriated and spat out blood a couple of times, I only hope that my identity won't be revealed, cause in this way I can stay by his side, even if I'm just Mo Xuan Yu. 

After it was calmed down I was about to spit out blood, the level of cultivation in Mo Xuan Yu's body is too low, it can't take the power of demonic cultivation. But just when I thought his gaze would be on me, it was on Sizhui and the others. 

"Sizhui, quickly heal your injury, the others too. Brother... I'll leave Grandmaster to you" 

I grit my teeth and ran out, I ran past the disciples who were looking at me but I didn't care what looks they had on their eyes when they saw me. I ran deep into the woods. 

Present

I lay my back on a nearby tree, I didn't care anymore that my back hurt from the hard and sharp bark of the tree behind me. I loved the pain, cause everything I received was PAIN. 

When I was hurting too much it was him that was beside me, but thinking back on what happened there, what right do I have to be jealous? 16 years. It's been 16 years! I recalled how Lan Wangji treated Sizhui in such a different manner. 

Care. He cared for Sizhui, but why is there no one who cares about me? I loathe myself, I'm even jealous of such a thing, such a... Would it be much better if I really died and never came back? Will these things not happen if I was still dead or if I was just another normal person? 

It's hard, it hurts. Will this part of my life (Lan Zhan), be my regret? I took off my mask and tore it to pieces, what's the use of hiding? It's not like I can hide my whole life. I can't help but ask myself, "Was what you said that time, also a lie and just words?" 

The cool breeze passed through me, I heard the grass move, who cares if it was a snake or a monster, I'd feel better if I'll die here and now after getting bitten or eaten by a monster. But what appeared next wasn't a monster or a snake, a human. 

My eyes are drowning in tears, my cheeks wet with them, I was in a mess, it was fortunate that this is the secret grounds of Gusu, no one comes here frequently. I want to wake up from my daydream, it's not like I did not know that one day he'll marry a fair lady. Have kids and live well, how am I the Yilling Laozu and a bloodthirsty, killing machine Wei Wuxian deserve to be by his side? 

"Should I just give up?" I watched the one and only scar on my arm, if I couldn't complete the last thing Mo Xuan Yu wants me to do, then I'll die, and my soul won't be incarnated again. Wouldn't that be better? He can live freely and happily, "Is this really for the best?"

"Wei Ying" 

Deep yet smooth, it was a piece of music to my ears, the name I want to be heard from someone's ears, he continued saying things that melts my heart.

"If I tell you that I knew it's you, would you leave?" 

The silhouette of that person appears, his voice was pleasant to my ears, I could never forget the expression he made. It looks like he is begging me when he said, "Can you please stay?" 

I want to ask myself for what reason shall I stay? Because of him? As much as I want o stay by his side, I also don't want him to be hurt, thinking back he got punished because of me, "I..." I need the courage to say these things. But how? 

My source of strength and my weakness is him and him alone. "I want to leave, I want to venture the world, this time, I'm Mo Xuan Yu, not Wei Wuxian." I want him to not have any hope... 

"What about 16 years ago? At Nevernight? The siege in Burial Mounds?" His voice was high, it seems like he was infuriated. 

As for me, I want to hold his hand my whole life, but I know that his other hand would hold another, and this person is much better than me, besides. He really deserves the best. Loving hurts but as long as you're happy I'm willing. 

"I don't care anymore. I just want to live freely like I used to, I never wanted to be Yilling Laozu, I just want to soar in the sky freely. I don't want to be restricted again..." I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, I know it'll hurt his feelings, Damn it, did I go too far? 

Soon I saw his silhouette disappear, while I can only watch there and do nothing, was this also what he felt when he saw me fall on the cliff while he can't do anything? I broke down and spat out blood, this damn body has too low cultivation. 

"Wei gongzi" Zewu-Jun's vice rang on my ears, "Zewu-Jun?" He shows up in the shadows right after Lan Zhan left, did he hear our conversation then? I don't know. In fact, what do I know? 

"Wei gongzi, to you. What does the word love mean?" I was taken aback by his words. "I..." I honestly don't know how to answer, love means... what? 

"Did you know? This is the second time I saw Wangji cry for the same person, but I always know, behind the doors of the jingshi and underneath that cold face, he was hurting inside too. I don't know how many buckets of tears those lifeless eyes of his shed. But I want to ask you, Do you still love Wangji?" 

"I do... But I don't want him to suffer..." Zewu-Jun has already cut me off, "Him not being beside you in the hardest part of your life was his regret, letting your hand go on that bottomless cliff was also his regret, now. He just wants you to be by his side, you not being there, is what tortures him the most."

He was about to leave but still left some words, "If Wangji ever shed tears because of you or the third time. There'll be consequences." 

Lan Wangji POV

I was hiding in the jingshi, hiding from him, hiding in there, I can only hear his voice, his laugh, his smiles, our memories. I can't help but think about my selfish thoughts about us, will there ever be a future for us?

I don't know either, he... Looks like he already changed, no longer what he was before, someone who was born to be free like an eagle soaring in the sky, how can I hold him back? I don't have the nerve to cage him with me, so... Should I just let him soar freely?