TOO LATE {EDITED VERSION}

Chapter 11

By the next morning, everyone was by their usual selves, but the children are with us right now, we were walking in the streets. Just then Sizhui suddenly halted, he then picked up a paper butterfly from one of the stalls. Jingyi exclaimed that it was made for kids. But Sizhui said that Lan Zhan once made one for him when he was young. 

I got more jealous, it was Sizhui who was by his side all those years, and that broke my heart. In my dream or rather in that illusion, he once gave me one as a child. I guess it wasn't that special, was it? 

Unconsciously thinking deep, a butterfly landed on my shoulder, "Ehh, look Mo gongzi has a butterfly on his shoulder!" I then looked at my shoulder, there was really a butterfly there. I smile, "Someone gave me a butterfly when I was young too, but I don't remember who~" I looked at Lan Zhan while I was saying this. 

How I wish he could know how much I was hurting inside, haha, as if he can hear my heart shattering or could see my pain. It was Sizhui who is beside him, not me...

Lan Wangji POV

Why was he staring at me like he was implying something when he said those words. What... What's exactly inside his mind? 

-Time skip to where they entered the burial place of blades-

"It's so noisy" He complained, I supported him with my arm holding his waist... And the other on his arm. "You're fine right?" He seemed to have calmed down, "I'm the only one who can hear the resentments here. Sorry for the trouble, let's go on" 

He's always saying he's fine when he isn't He'll never change, and I don't wish for him to change, if he does then he isn't the same Wei Ying I fell in love with anymore. 

After we went inside, we saw 4 coffins with blades inside. I see his uncomfy face, but he still smiles. He's keeping the pain inside, he doesn't want to tell anyone about what he really wants. We all went out after finding nothing back there. 

Although it was rather a small sigh, we all heard it well, Jingyi exclaims, "What a madman, we got nothing but you're sighing in relief." They fought with each other using words. I was more deeply in my thoughts when I saw a shadow. As fast as lighting, "Let's meet at the inn tonight" 

I said those right before I went after the man who was running away. After half an hour of running, I finally caught him. I went back to the inn and saw Wei Ying waiting for me. I already placed the one I caught in a separate room. 

Soon I didn't know what happened. I was feeling hazy, by the time I woke up, I was in the forest? 

Wei Wuxian POV

I got him drunk and carried him to his own room, it was unexpected that the man he fought was also my best friend, Sect Leader Nie. I lay him on his bed and closed the agape mouth of Nie Huaisang, "Greeting Sect Leader Nie, I am Mo Xuan Yu" 

All night long we talked about the Blade's Burial Mound. 

It was then that Lan Wangji suddenly woke up and dashed outside, I apologized and ran away after him as fast as I could. I caught up in the midst of the woods. "Lan Zhan, ait for me. Stop!! You're going way too fast!" 

Just when I finished my words, my nose bumped onto his back, his expression was awful, it was like... Just something different. "Why? Why bother to chase me? Really... All the 16 years I've wasted away, one night you tell me you don't care, then now you chase me. Tell, what exactly do you want me to do?"

I shook him and spouted words, I told him everything I wanted to, "What about you? You never explained... One night you just... The next morning you don't remember anything... You-" I didn't get to finish my words. I saw his eyes watering up, just how many more tears could he shed for me? The last thing I wanna do is to see him cry, but again and again. I hurt him. 

"Explain? What's there to explain? All the tears, all the nights I've wasted away, all... everything... Why did I even bother to daydream about someone whose heart died along that night?!" Lan Zhan starts to yell at me with tears, "You're always smiling bright, always the person everyone looked up to you for your young talent, but you became the Yilling Laozu though you did nothing wrong, all these 16 years going to other places looking for you, do you really think it was easy? After your death blaming it on myself hoping that at least I should have told you earlier so I can save you, Always telling you about it the demonic cultivation making you lose your sanity, but did you ever listen? Even once?"

I lost myself in anger, "What about you? I hate it... Why am I the only one feeling this way? I died 16  years! 16 fucking years, Sizhui... How old is he... 20? 19? 21? Tell me! How am I supposed to react to this?!"

He seemed angry, why? I am the one who was supposed to be angry... "I can't believe that the man I trusted the most, the man I trust my whole life has so little trust in me." 

I don't... I trust you, of course, I do... "La-" I haven't had the chance to say what I wanted to... He opens his mouth, "I Lan Wangji, swear not to have ties to Mo Xuanyu. From now on... I only have myself, my brother, and Sizhui..." 

"You really mean that?" Inside it hurts, hurts like hell. Memories of the past haunt me, the time when  I can't even fight for myself, I can't even fight my own demons... I lost it, I'm tired... "Everyone in Gusu is forbidden to lie"

I sigh deeply, I can't lose myself, not now, not in the future, not again... "You really want to break ties with me are you?" 

A voice rang in my ears, "Wangji, Wei gongzi, that's enough. Can't you both sit well and just be honest with each other? Don't you have a lot to say and to explain to each other?" 

I smile, my most powerful weapon towards others, "Zewu-Jun, I never had to and I will not explain anymore. There was no one who understood though they listened." Never... No one understood, no one knew that I had no way back, no one, not even Lan Zhan...

Zewu-Jun tried to resolve things but "Zzzzzz" Lan Zhan fell asleep as his head lays on a tree. 

"Zewu-Jun... I know, I have nothing to deserve Lan Zhan and I did nothing but hurt him. But... Soon enough, I'll end everything, there's nothing that doesn't have an ending. Please watch over his actions in the future, don't let him do stupid things ever again." I bowed to Zewu-Jun and left with Lan Zhan in my arms. 

As soon as I got him fixed, I went out of the window, I went straight to the woods. It hurts... I need to control it, I can't lose to my own demons again. i won't ever let it happen again.