"I don't understand why he took her though."
"Me neither but like I have school so it is kind of a weird and twisted blessing. He will take care of her like he is a great dad and I'm sure he will call his mom if it gets hard for him so it's okay, I'm okay."
"How long are they gone for?"
"Girl, I do not know. I wish I did but I am giving him space and time." I am falling apart inside
"Okay baby, so he really left?"
"Yep, I asked his friends and they confirmed that he was gone."
"I am sorry baby." We sat and watched movie after movie. It helped me to think about everything but the distance between Khanyi and I. I am not used to not fighting with her or smothering her with my attention, I am not okay with not being with my baby.
I wish I could feel free to miss Kai but I can not let myself miss him. When my phone rang, I nearly did not answer, I do not feel well. I feel like I am falling apart, piece by piece just weathering away.
"Hey, baby." She waved at me, a tear falls from my eye
"Mama!" I am grateful to be aware that they arrived safely. We spent a while on the phone until she just left the screen to do something else. I hang up to save Kai the trouble of having to do it.
Sleeping without Kai is nearly impossible, I used him as my melatonin and he was a pretty good sleeping pill and he always kept me warm.
The next few days were truly hard, missing Khanyi and beating myself up about Kai, it is all heavy but when Saturday came around, I got up and went to my dad. I am still getting eaten alive by what happened with Chris and I know the only way I can forgive myself is if I talk to him.
"Wena, since you live in that big house you don't visit me." [Translation: Wena= You]
"I'm sorry, but guess what I will be here more often."
"Okay, where is my grandchild?"
"With her dad in Belgium?"
"Why are they in Belgium?"
"I don't know why they are in Belgium but I know why they left."
"O entseng?" Endearingly he asks [Translation: What did you do?]
"How do you know it is me?"
"The way you phrased the sentence. Out with it."
"I cheated on Kai."
"O entse eng?" [Translation: You did what?]
"It was a one-time thing, happened a couple of nights ago and I didn't mean to do it."
"Okay, so that is why he left?" A nod and he pulls me into his arms "Askies, it will all work out." [Translation: sorry]
"You think so?"
"Ha ke tsebe but time will tell, just give him space." [Translation: I don't know]
"Okay. How are things going with Sis Pat?"
"She was actually over here yesterday, for lunch."
"Oh okay, look at that, my relationship is falling apart but your love life is booming."
"That is not funny."
"It is to me."
"Are you staying the night?"
"Yeah, I will leave in the morning. Want to watch How to get away with murder?"
"Sure." I pull up the Netflix on the TV and go to the episode we left on.
"Forgive yourself."
"What?"
"For cheating, forgive yourself." He pulls me closer.
Living alone in a big house is not nice I do not know how Kai survived. I drive myself to school and it is exhausting, I hate it, part of me wishes he could do it for me, I'm not used to doing all of this by myself, I have never had to live by myself.
It has gotten so bad that I am back on anti-depressents and back in therapy. Apart from the guilt of what I did to Kai, my conscience is eating me up because I proved it right, I have the opposite of a Midas touch, everything I touch falls apart.
June
July
August
September
October
November
We have exams in two weeks so we are going to be having study group every day. I got the snacks and set up before they started coming in.
A few minutes after we start studying my Kai ringtone rings.
"Look it's Mama," Greta says
"Hey Baba, Hey Greta." They wave.
"I hope we are not interrupting."
"Uhm no it is okay, where is Kai?"
"Work." I nod "You really hurt him, I have never seen him this broken." A dagger to my heart.
"Yeah, I broke a lot of promises with one stupid choice. Uhm I have to go, I am actually studying."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Tomorrow, can you call two hours later?"
"Yeah, we can do that."
"Okay, Khanyi, mama will see you tomorrow." I send kisses through the screen.
We continue studying until our ten minutes break.
"Are they still not here?" Sue remarks.
"Yeah."
"Oh so are you guys done for good?"
"That's a question for him, are we done probing into my life?"
"I was just asking."
The rest of the session felt draining.
The next few days, I am on auto pilot, I don't know what I am doing or how, I just am. Numb, everything feels like a loop, a hamster in a wheel.
When it all went dark I relapsed.
"Khanyi can you fetch your dad for me?"
"I am here." He retorts
"Oh, I didn't know. Uhm, my final exams are coming soon so can we have the calls an hour earlier so I can have time for the study group?"
"Okay."
"Thank you. Uhm, how are you?"
"Good, how are you?"
"I'm good too." I am such a liar, I ruined the only good things I had going on all because of what? Anger? Pathetic
"Khanyi and I have to go, good night."
"Good night. I love you, baby girl." She waves before he hangs up.
*********
Enjoy ❤💖❤
YOU ARE READING
The Assassin's Weakness✔️
RomanceAt nineteen, Kamo is doing her last year of high school. She is focused on her grades, especially after the last boy broke her heart. She finds herself falling for a man, someone who loves her and shows it, someone she feels safe with but she does...
