The Assassin's Weakness✔️

40. so where to from here?

Starting my second year of varsity without Khanyi does not seem okay, it has been nearly a year since I have seen her and her father.

"She was crying for you."

"Mama!" She says in between cries

"Come on baby girl, what's wrong? It's going to be okay, let Daddy console you, okay?" She nods barely understanding a word I said. She keeps crying onto Kai's shirt. He is growing a beard, it's not bad, I like it and I wish I could tell him that.

"Uhm, I have class right now but thank you for the gift."

"Okay." He got a box delivered to my house with a note that says Good luck and I love you
from Khanyi. "Khanyi and I are coming to Norfolk." My heart skips a million beats

"Uhm when?"

"We should be there tomorrow evening." 

"Okay."

"Okay." He hangs up, I drive out of the university parking lot and straight home. The house is clean but I wanted to prepare the guest room for him and clean the basement, get his favourite snacks and drinks. Everything needs to be perfect, am I still in love with him? Deeply but I have also accepted that he may not forgive me and I would have to live with that.

It is a scary thought that he would not want me but it could be my reality, I hurt him badly and I don't know the extent of the damage I committed, and he did not deserve to be treated that way.

"Sibo!"

"Don't scream in my ear."

"I'm sorry but I have sort of good news, Khanyi is coming back!" Joy floods her face and we hug for a moment.

"Is Kai coming too?" I nod "is he staying here?"

"Uhm, I dont know yet. We will see."

"Okay. Wait so that means we get to throw Khanyi a birthday party, this year."

"Yep, I am just so excited to see her, like I wish I could fast forward."

"But you know we just have to wait for her to come and we need to get her presents."

"Definitely. I texted my dad so he will be here, I kind of want you guys here so Kai doesn't kill me."

"Kai is no murder, he is just a big teddy bear." He is both.

We got Khanyi a present and I got one for Kai as well, he is the love of my life and that is not going to change just because he doesn't love me.

To make time pass, I went to school, it was a bad idea because all I could focus on was them getting home. 

I prepared dinner and soon I was exhausted, I fetched a blanket and took a nap on the couch.

"Mama!" She screams

"Khanyi, come on, Mama is probably sleeping, you will see her tomorrow."

"I'm awake, Hey my little love." I run to pick her up "Mama has missed you so much!" I cover her face with kisses and she strangles my neck "I missed you so much, my little girl." I feel the tears falling from my eyes. She wipes the tears from my eyes

"Dada, Mama is leaking." Laughter erupts from us both and we share a look for a brief moment.

"Mama is just so excited to see you." She smiles and cups her face "and you are happy to see me." She tries to shy away from my face.

"Uhm, she hasn't eaten in a while so I will go make her something before she sleeps."

"Okay." A weak smile from him before he goes into the kitchen.

"You look so grown now." She wiggles out of my hold to go to the box of gifts we got her. I show the gifts to her and explain who got them.

"Khanyi, I made you something." He sits down and starts feeding her, she takes a few bites before taking the bowl from him and handing it to me.

"Oh, okay." I start helping her eat and he stands to go to the kitchen. He comes back with a plate of food and a beer. He sits on the opposite end of the couch.

"Mama juice." I pick her up to get juice. She chooses apple juice, she gulps it and even drops some on herself.

I put her to sleep in my room, she wanted to sleep with me. I head downstairs and he is sitting on the couch watching the tv.

"I put her to sleep." He nods

"You think we can talk?"

"Uhm, yeah." I sit on the opposite end of the couch. "What do you..."

"Why? Why did you do it?"

"Uhm, I am not justifying my actions, I was wrapped around the pattern we were building, you always explaining yourself, I was tired of it and it does not justify why I did what I did."

"Why him or could it have been anyone?"

"It could have been anyone I knew who I did not have a history with." I bite my lip, he looks away from me. "I understand if you don't love me anymore, I just..."

"I am still in love with you."

"Oh." He moves his body to face me

"How do you feel?"

"I have never, not been in love with you." We both say nothing for a while "so is there hope to rebuild this?"

"I want to fix this but it is not magically going to happen."

"We can go to couple's therapy."

"It's a start." I nod. We both look at each other before he suggests we go to sleep.

Sleeping in separate bedrooms was weird but at least he still loves me. I grab the sleeping pills on my nightstand and head downstairs to fetch some water, I forgot to drink them when input Khanyi to sleep.

"Can't sleep?" I ask as he gulps the whiskey in his glass.

"Yeah, you?"

"Sleeping pills." He nods

"Nice, when did you start drinking them?"

"A while back, I can't seem to sleep without them." I pour the water and gulp the pills.

"Are you back on anti-depressants as well?" A nod from me and he just nods to show he understands.

"I'm going to go." He nods. "Good night, Kai."

"Good night Kamo."

*****

We made it to the 40's!!

Honestly don't know how long this book will be but we still have a while before I am happy to end it❤🥺