Just Hold Tight (Bittersweet Solitude Series #1)

Chapter 04

The Hidden Letters

. . .

Matapos ang aming unang paghihiwalay at ang emosyonal na kalbaryong sumunod, naghiwalay na kami ng landas ni Terrence. For months, I tried to forget, to move on from the pain. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, lagi siyang nasa isipan ko. Each day felt like a battle, and slowly, I learned to live without him.

Una, tinanggal ko lahat ng bagay na nagpapaalala sa akin sa kanya. I deleted our pictures from my phone, removed his contact, and even hid the gifts he gave me. Ang mga damit na binili namin ng magkasama ay iniwasan kong suotin. But no matter how hard I tried, every corner of my apartment felt empty without him.

Every night, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what went wrong. Minsan, napapaluha ako, iniisip kung may nagawa ba akong mali o kulang sa pagmamahal. The silence in my room was deafening, and I missed the sound of his laughter, the warmth of his presence.

I would wake up in the middle of the night, reaching out to his side of the bed, only to find it cold and empty. Pagdating ng umaga, palagi kong naaalala kung paano kami magkasabay mag-almusal, kahit simpleng kape lang at pandesal. Now, I ate alone, the food tasting bland without his company.

Nagtrabaho ako ng mas mabuti, umaasang makalimutan ko siya kahit sandali lang. I threw myself into my studies and projects, hoping that the busyness would drown out the ache in my chest. Pero kahit gaano ako ka-occupied, sa bawat break o pahinga, bumabalik siya sa isipan ko. I saw him in the faces of strangers, heard his voice in the whispers of the wind.

There were days when I thought I was finally getting better. May mga oras na nakakatawa ako kasama ang mga kaibigan ko at kahit papaano ay napapawi ang lungkot. But then, something as simple as a song on the radio, or a couple holding hands, would bring back the memories and the pain.

I tried dating again, meeting new people, hoping to fill the void he left behind. Ngunit kahit ilang tao ang makilala ko, wala ni isa ang makakapantay sa kanya. They were kind and interesting, but they weren't Terrence. Hindi ko maramdaman ang parehong spark, ang parehong connection.

Every night, as I lay in bed, I found myself longing for the days when he was still mine. His absence was a constant ache, a void that nothing seemed to fill. Sinubukan kong maging masaya para sa kanya, iniisip na baka mas okay na rin siya ngayon, pero hindi maalis ang sakit ng pagkawala niya.

Ilang taon din kaming nagkasama at nagdamayan sa lahat. Of course, it's not gonna be easy for me to replace him, and to move forward all by myself.

In those quiet moments, I would think about the letters I had written to him. Liham na puno ng emosyon, ng mga salitang hindi ko masabi sa kaniya noon. I kept them hidden, too afraid to send them, too afraid to face the reality of our separation. Those letters became my secret, a testament to the love I still held for him.

As the months passed, I learned to carry the pain with me. It became a part of who I was, a reminder of the love we once shared and the lessons I learned from it. But no matter how much time went by, a part of me still hoped that one day, we might find our way back to each other.

***

One year after the break up. I moved into a new apartment again, hoping for a fresh start. Isang maulan na hapon, habang inaayos ko ang mga gamit ko, napansin ko ang isang lumang kahon na punong-puno ng alikabok. It was a box filled with memories from my time with Terrence—photos, trinkets, and letters.