Eladea: A Hopeless Age

Chapter 26: Sage

Chapter 26: Sage 

Eheheheheheheh Sance chapter boizzzz >:))

Tw: some breakdowns are described and there is a singular mention of self-harmful thoughts. Please proceed with caution :3

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"What if you're a crippled man that can't walk? How will you find me then? I ask, tracing invisible shapes on the back of his hand. 

"I will simply roll to you," Lance says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

"Roll? Like, tuck and roll?" I say with a smile, turning to him. 

"Of course. You don't get around like that daily?" He asks, offering me a cheeky grin. I roll my eyes and I look back down at his palm, of which I'm in the process of drawing a beautiful masterpiece with my finger. 

I sit side by side with him, so close our entire bodies are touching. He originally put his hand on my thigh but I picked it up and started using it as a canvas. Lance just stares into the empty whiteness. I'd like to think he's solving complex and extremely important dilemmas, but I know him too well. He's probably thinking about whether a hotdog is a sandwich or a taco. Or about how long it's been since he's had a hotdog. 

"So, you're not going to have any memories at all?" I say after a moment. We haven't gotten off the topic of reincarnation yet. I can't drop it, not yet. I need every detail, every minuscule thing, or minor outcome to be ingrained in my mind. I'll need it when I wake up. I need to remember. 

"Like I said before, nope. Not a single one. A fresh slate, no matter who I am. You're quite fascinated with this, Green Girl." He replies. 

"Uh-huh. Sure. And Kismed is just going to…create memories into that of your new family if you have them?" 

"Yes, Sage. The family of my new body will have made up memories of me being there their entire life, or whatever story there is. And if I have a family in my new body, I'm sure I'll have made up memories as well." He explains. 

"So…it's going to be like you never existed?" I try not to let my voice quiver, pausing my drawing on his hand. 

"Oh, darling." He turns so he can see me better. "I know it's going to be difficult, but as I said, I'll find you. I know I will." 

"That's not what I'm worried about." I play with the hem of his jacket, smoothing it out and fixing it. "It's just…you. You won't be here. The Lance I'm sitting with, the Lance that I've spent my whole life knowing, the Lance that I…love, is going to disappear. Sure your soul or whatever will still live but," I pause and look up at him, those beautiful gray eyes making me want to melt into him. "I won't have you." 

"Ó, mo ghrá. I don't know what to say." He says, bringing a soft hand up to my cheek. 

"Lance, I'm not going to stop. If this is truly what you want, then please do it. All I want is for you to be happy. I'm not going to control your life (afterlife?) like that. But I'm just…" I struggle to find the word. 

"Reluctant?" He offers. 

"Yes, exactly. I'm reluctant." 

"I get it. Mo grá, you're losing the person you love. That's hard. I know I would feel the same if I were in your shoes. And I'm not asking you to like it or agree with it. I'm just asking you to, I don't know, give me…approval?" He says, his Irish-laced accent penetrating my mind. I sigh, unable to look away from his puppy eyes. 

"You deserve to live. Whether that's as Lance or not. So, again reluctantly, you have my permission and approval." I say, trying not to let my voice shake. Did I just lose him?