From Day One | JENSOO

Chapter 34

In this game, there are no winners.

Rosé didn't have regrets. It simply was not a part of her philosophy. Regrets meant there were mistakes but without mistakes a person didn't grow as an individual so while Rosé had more mistakes than there were numbers, she'd never regret them. Those mistakes made her the person she was today and although she didn't particularly like herself some days, she was better than most because whatever she did, she followed through, and never looked back.

The world had been giving out free passes for her to wreak havoc, but lately, everything was catching up, piling on top of her and she felt like a cornered mouse. No one could corner Rosé Park until the day someone did and Rosé couldn't stand it. She yearned to be free from attachments because it was the only kind of freedom she knew.

Rosé had entered and exited Lisa's apartment building at least four times. She never second guessed. She never thought twice. She always resolved to a choice, followed through, never looked back.

The only person who should have been able to change Rosé was Rosé. That was no longer true and it didn't just terrify Rosé, it downright infuriated her. So she lashed out, with the intent of hurting. She climbed up the steps and to Lisa's door, walking inside the room resolutely, sober to her core, her mind startlingly clear.

"You said you could love me. Do you?"

They both had their backs to each other, Rosé in the kitchen and Lisa at the door, her hand still on the doorknob.

"And if I did?" Lisa asked, hoping they'd play the question game.

"Stop."

The question game had long lost its entertainment. Well, that wasn't true. Rosé merely needed a straight answer for once.

"Do you?"

"I..." Lisa thought of her feelings for Rosé and how maybe in that myriad there was love, but who could really know?

"I despise you actually."

Rosé whirled around, not knowing if she should be more pissed at the fact Lisa despised her or that she was shocked by the answer. Lisa smiled; she had been doing research on what she felt for Rosé.

"I abhor and detest you. You're offensive, ostentatious, awful, despicable, obnoxious, vile and wretched."

Rosé was fuming. From her wrinkled nose and furrowed eyebrows to the way her clenching jaw matched her rigid shoulders, Lisa enjoyed saying her next words.

"And despite all that, yea, I love you."

It wasn't a fact necessarily. Lisa was sure it was something akin to love, that overwhelming desire to want and to be wanted in its fullest glory. If it was love, then it was love Lisa believed, a so-be-it kind of thing. She only knew she wanted Rosé and in Lisa's mind that made Rosé worth sticking around.

"You could've just said that last part. Was the other stuff really necessary?"

Lisa sighed and went to turn on the pot for coffee. As frustrating as it was, there was a relief in Rosé's ability to ignore the main points of a conversation and focus on insignificant details.

Little Lisa knew, Rosé was treating the situation all too casually, taking it from the view of an observer, not a participant. She had detached herself completely from it and if only Lisa knew how disastrous that was.

"You think love is enough?" Rosé asked, simply to test a theory. Lisa didn't know she was being led into Rosé's psychological playfield.

"I think it depends."