How much trouble can one erotic romance writer get into? Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to the Faustian deal with Loki, but you try turning him down! It's not like there's a writing course on preparing for your fictional character's sudden appearance...
Waking slowly and shivering with cold, I instinctively try to burrow into Loki's warmth. My hands reach out as I shift further in the bed, trying to find him. It's so cold. There is no source of warmth and I wake fully, realizing he's not here. There's no lingering warmth as I search the bed.
He's been gone for a while.
Disappointment surges, swelling up my throat to choke me. I knuckle back the tears that spring up unbidden, finding myself at the point of sobbing.
Flinging back the covers, I get out of bed and head to the shower. With the water on hot, the heat soaks into my still-shivering body. Yet I find myself unable to stop crying and sink to sitting dejectedly in the bottom of the shower as the water pours over me.
What the hell is the matter with me? It's not like I didn't know he would leave. He always leaves. It's why I need to put a halt to my fictional characters using me as a booty call. Fun while they are here, absolutely. It's been a crazy ride since Loki opened the door between my reality and my story universes. But the jagged tear in my heart tells me I've fallen too deeply, entwined my emotions in a foolish, unrealistic hope that somehow, someway, Loki will love me, will stay with me. Yet despite his repeated physical claim that I'm his, a claim I've allowed to root too deeply into my soul, he's made me no promise of commitment. It's just his dominant sexual nature and nothing more. Not to him, anyway.
Still, as unreasonable a reaction as I know it is, I can't help feeling betrayed by his abandonment.
My thoughts circle and berate me with guilt for letting myself get this attached while I cry out my loneliness, head in my hands, until the water turns cold.
Leaving the shower, I slowly rub the towel over my skin. Every part of me feels tired and worn. It's as if I've aged fifty years overnight. Needing comfort of the familiar wrapped around me, I tug on my favourite pair of jeans and an old well-loved sweatshirt with raggedy cuffs, before heading slowly downstairs. Each step is an effort in concentration.
The kitchen has so many memories that seem to haunt me now. I avoid looking at my island where he and Thor took turns bending me over and rocking my world. Instead, I grab a breakfast of orange juice, eggs, and toast. My head hurts a little less with the influx of food, but my nose is still stuffed up and eyes sore from crying. Dumping my dishes in the sink, I wander to the door of my office and stare at the chaise with my laptop sitting there.
My pulse pounds in my temple.
I can't do it. I can't write his story right now.
My throat and chest tighten.
I can't be here right now.
Shaking, the need to flee overcomes me. My hands tremble on the doorknob. Breath rasps in and out of my lungs in a rapid, fearful flutter.
I need to go, to escape my house, to leave.
After running up my stairs like the hounds of hell are chasing me, I grab my backpack and toss in clothes, toiletries, my phone, and my purse. Within minutes, I'm back down the stairs, snatching my laptop off the chaise, and in my car. The tires squeal as I peel out of the driveway.
I don't have a destination in mind, but I turn my car onto the highway, heading west. Lulled by the drone of the tires on pavement, the kilometres pass quickly with hour after hour. My mind is numb, not processing, just reacting. Adjusting to traffic and road conditions is automatic, requiring little thought. When the gas light comes on, I stop, fill the tank, and continue down the highway.
A cramping pain in my stomach brings me out of my fog. With a glance at the console clock, awareness dawns that I've been on the road for... it must be almost twenty-four hours. I've stopped at rest stops several times for naps when my eyes wouldn't stay open, before continuing my drive, but I haven't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday.
Was it yesterday? Maybe it was the day before? Have I been on the road for two days, or one? I can't seem to remember. It's all a blur.
Digging into my purse, I pull out my cell phone. It's dead. Of course, I forgot to plug it into my car charger. Tossing it back on the seat in disgust, I take the next exit and pull into a Tim Hortons. I might as well eat while I charge my phone.
Hmm... and it's probably time to post the next chapter for my betareaders. Even though I don't feel up to writing, I've got the next ten chapters written already, wrapping up the end of Hidden so I can start book two, Taken. After scooping up my purse, phone, laptop and chargers to take with me into Timmies, I order an everything breakfast bagel and Earl Grey tea and find a seat. With my phone plugged in, it only takes a minute for it to charge enough to turn on.
My mouth drops open.
I open my laptop and turn it on. It verifies what my phone is telling me. I've been driving for three days.
Three. Days.
Holy shit! How the fuck did I drive for three days in a brain fog and not know it? And actually, where the hell am I? I look out the window and see prairie. Endless rolling prairie. There isn't a single identifying feature in sight to tell me which province I'm even in.
Flicking through the apps on my phone, I pull up Google Maps and turn on my location settings.
Huh. An hour outside of Calgary. Damn.
Rubbing my temples at the lingering headache, I eat my bagel sandwich and drink my tea. What are my options? Turn around and drive home? The feeling of abandonment and overwhelming betrayal that sent me fleeing is still there. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand why I feel it, but I do. It won't leave me, clinging in a persistent miasma.
Maybe I just need a vacation. From everything, and especially from everyone. Certain someones in particular.
A/N: If you've enjoyed this snippet, please write a review on Amazon or Goodreads. You can read the full episode on Amazon after its release for $0.99 USD. Keep an eye on my socials or webpage as I frequently have ebook giveaways when you can snag the download for absolutely free!
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