Dark

Chapter 45

George
“How are you guys getting your hands of the ingredients for these anyway?” Hermione asked, turning a worried expression toward Fred and I.
“Mundungus has his uses.” Fred answered, plucking one of our color coded sweets out of Hermione’s hand. “Knows how to get us what we need at a reasonable price.”
“And you think that’s a good idea?” She asked.
“Good idea or not, it’s the only thing we have right now.” I said. “Once we start selling though, we can find better means.”
“Do you really think people are going to buy candies that make them sick?”
“Of course they are, Hermione!” Ron said. “A surefire way to get out class? Who wouldn’t want to buy that?”
“So what else are you working on besides those and the extendable ears?” Harry asked.
“We have a number of joke products in the works too.” Fred answered. “Do you think you could go grab the shoes?”
“Sure thing!” I answered, getting up from the sitting room couch.
I had reached the door when I heard Ron scoff from behind me.
“What, you aren’t going to just apparate up there?” Ron asked. “Finally tired of showing off?”
“Course not.” I turned to answer. “Sometimes a change is just nice.”
I gave a sarcastic wave off to Ron before making my way up the stairs.
The truth was that Eleanor was still asleep in my and Fred’s room. I wasn’t surprised. I would still be passed out too if I had finished nearly two bottles of firewhisky. Fred and I had been careful in the morning to avoid waking her. That was the same reason I hadn’t simply apparated upstairs. It was clear, more than ever, that Eleanor was dealing with a lot. It was also clear that she wasn’t dealing with it very well either. Not sleeping, shutting herself off from everyone else physically and emotionally, and trying to drink away her problems…well none of that was going to help her. I wish that I knew how I could help, but I wasn’t sure what I could do. So if the smallest possible way I could help was to make sure she got even a few hours more sleep, I was trying to make that happen.
Entering the room quietly, I noticed that Eleanor was still asleep, her back toward the door. I crossed the room and started digging under Fred’s bed. Once I felt my hands graze over a pair of laces, I pulled the trainers out. They were one of our newest product ideas, Sticky Trainers. Switch out your friends shoes for a pair of these and watch their embarrassment arise as their shoes stick to everything.
As I lifted myself off the floor I bumped into Fred’s side table. A glass he had left near the edge of the table toppled over and crashed to the floor before I could catch it.
I immediately heard a shuffling noise from across the room and when I turned around again, Eleanor was propped up on one elbow, looking around the room in utter confusion. When her eyes reached me she only seemed more perplexed.
“Er…hi.” I said. “Sorry about that, I was trying to…”
“Am I in your room?” Eleanor asked, furrowing her brows.
“Er, yeah. About that…” I certainly hadn’t thought of how awkward it would be to explain this situation when Fred and I brought Eleanor up here the previous night. “You were, well, really drunk last night. Fred and I were talking to you in the kitchen, and then you just kind of fell asleep against me…we just, well…we didn’t think you should be left alone, so I let you sleep in my bed, and I took the floor.”
“Oh…” Eleanor said. She blinked a few times, and then realization seemed to take over as her eyes widened and her mouth opened but no words came out for a minute. “I’m so sorry, George. I didn’t mean for you to have to sleep on the floor, and I didn’t mean to attack you. I thought everyone was asleep last night, and I didn’t want to bother you guys –“ Everything she said came out in a rush.
“Hey, it’s all right.” I told her. “It’s not a big deal, Eleanor. You didn’t bother us.”
Eleanor got up from the bed, backing away from it a couple of steps, looking almost frantic.
“I’m really sorry, George.” She said again. “I didn’t mean too, I swear.”
“You thought I was someone else, I understand.” I said. “Well, I understand a little. I just…I was wondering…what happened?”
“No, I’m not telling you that. I’m not telling anyone that, it’s none of your business.” Eleanor said, shaking her head and backing further toward the door.
“Look, Eleanor…” I started, unsure if I could gain her trust or not. “I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know that something happened, maybe a lot of different somethings. Maybe whatever happened this summer isn’t the only thing bothering you. But what I do know is that trying to drink away your problems isn’t going to help.”
She stopped moving as I spoke, just watching me cautiously.
“I just thought, that maybe, if you needed to tell someone what was on your mind…well I’d be willing to listen. I wouldn’t tell anyone either. Not even Fred. I just, I think you need someone right now.” I wasn’t sure why I felt so strongly that I could be there for her if she needed someone to just be a friend and to listen. I noticed that she was still watching me with the same unsure expression on her face, and I felt as though I had said something wrong. I tried to find the right words but as nothing seemed to come up, I just rubbed a hand over the back of my neck and said the first thing that came to mind. “I’m sorry if that sounded stupid.”
The next thing Eleanor did, I simply wasn’t expecting. She smiled widely and let out a laugh.
“It wasn’t stupid, George.” She said, still smiling at me. “It was very kind of you. Thank you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh too. I had been certain for a moment that she was ready to run from the room, scared.
“I should probably go.” She said, turning toward the door.
As she left I made to grab the shoes again only to find myself bent over and face to face with a lizard.
I jumped back, yelling out.
“Are you okay?” Eleanor had popped her head back into the room.
“Damn it! No!” I said loudly. “That stupid lizard scared me again. How did it even get in here?”
“Well first off, it’s not a lizard. I told you, George, it’s a Moke.” She said, walking back into the room and lowering her hand to the bedside table. “And secondly, have you ever paid attention in any of your classes?”
Eleanor laughed again. She had been so cold and distant since she got here that I had completely forgotten what her laugh had sounded like. I’d only heard a couple of times, small and quiet, while we sat in the Quidditch stands last term. It was nice though. Maybe it was because her laugh was so rare, so hard to coax out, that it sounded so sweet. It was like something that you had to work for, and it was always rewarding to hear in the end.
“Pay attention in class?” I asked her. “Does anyone actually do that?”
“Yes, actually, plenty of us do.” Eleanor responded.
The Moke climbed into the palm of her hand and scurried up her arm, just as it had the day we found it.
“If you had ever paid attention during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson, then you would likely know that Mokes can shrink and expand at will. So this little guy probably just shrunk himself down enough to fit under the door.”
“Hmm.” I said, watching as the Moke snuggled into the crook of Eleanor’s neck, somewhat shielded by her hair. “I guess you learn something new every day.”

Harry
“Here they are!”
I turned toward the door to find George had finally returned, holding a pair of plain looking trainers out for us all to see. Then I noticed Eleanor entering the room behind him. I jumped up and rushed forward. Eleanor had been in her room for days. I didn’t know what I was expecting when she finally came out, but for once, she looked significantly less tired.
Though George had started showing off whatever was special about the shoes, I could still feel everyone’s eyes on Eleanor and I.
“Are you…er…are you all right?” I asked, suddenly realizing that I had no idea what to say.
“Yeah.” Eleanor said quietly. “I’m fine, Harry.”
With a small half-hearted smile she walked past me. I joined her in the center of the room, retaking my seat across from Ron. He looked over to me and I could practically hear him saying, “I told you she’d come out eventually.” Then Ron turned to look up Eleanor and his eyes went wide.
“You still have that thing?” He asked.
“What thing?” She asked.
“I think he means the lizard.” Fred said.
Eleanor let out a sigh and George laughed quietly from next to Fred.
“How many times will have to explain that he’s not a lizard, he’s a Moke?” Eleanor asked. “Also, he has a name.”
“Since when?” George asked.
“Since now. I’m naming him Faustus, and I’m keeping him.” Eleanor said defiantly.
“Faustus?” Ron said.
“Yes, as in –“ Eleanor started.
“As in the play?” Hermione asked.
I had no idea what play they were talking about, but knowing what little I did about Eleanor, and as much as I did about Hermione, it was likely some obscure muggle play from a long time ago.
“Yes, as in the play.” Eleanor said, giving Hermione a small smile.
Hermione returned the smile as she quietly giggled and said, “I see what you did there. That’s actually quite genius.”
“Wait, what?” Fred asked.
“What are you two on about?” Ron said.
“Nothing, just muggle things.” Eleanor answered.
Over the next half hour, Eleanor stayed with us in the sitting room. She didn’t have her head buried in a book, and at times she even joined our conversations. It was strange. For the most part though, she simply sat with us and let Faustus climb up and down her arm, watching him with intrigue.
As the conversation turned back toward Hogwarts, I couldn’t help but remember everything that happened over the past year. It wasn’t just what happened in the graveyard, or what happened in the maze. It was everything, from the moment I learned that Eleanor existed. The guilt that always consumed me when I thought back on it all was overwhelming. When I couldn’t push it down any longer, I knew I needed to finally do something. I had to say something, anything…
“Eleanor?” I said suddenly.
Eleanor’s head shot up as she tore her gaze away from Faustus once again.
“Can I – er – speak to you for a minute?” I got up from my chair hoping that Eleanor would follow. When she too got up, I was surprised. I led her out of the room and down the hall, hoping that we were far enough away from the others. Also hoping that they wouldn’t use any extendable ears to eavesdrop on us.
“What did you need, Harry?” Eleanor asked as we came to a stop.
“I just…I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” I said. Part of me wished that I had never started speaking, and the other part wished that I had thought to write down everything I needed to say. “I should have listened to you about Moody last year. I shouldn’t have ignored you, and I should have told you right away about the dragons.”
Eleanor simply stood there, watching me, her eyes narrowed slightly as I continued to ramble on all of the apologies that I felt I needed to give.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t train with you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t get you anything for Christmas. I’m sorry that I turned you away. I’m just…I’m sorry. For all of it, for everything.”
I felt like there was so much more to say, but no more words seemed to come to mind. I bit down on my lip, wishing that my brain would work faster as Eleanor just continued to watch me. Was she waiting for more? Did she think I was just making this all up? Would she ever believe that I was sorry for all the things I had done? Then it seemed to click in my head, and I remembered the most important thing that I needed to say.
“I’m sorry I almost got you killed. What happened…what the fake Moody did to you…I know that it’s my fault, that I should have listened to you, but I didn’t. What happened to you, and to Cedric that day…I just…”
“No, Harry.” Eleanor finally spoke. “Don’t apologize for what happened to Cedric. That was my fault. I…” Eleanor broke eye contact with me, looking down to the ground as though she couldn’t stand to face me when she said what came next, “I didn’t want to win, and I pushed you and Cedric toward the cup early. He shouldn’t have been there, and I pushed him to the cup, Harry. It’s my fault…What happened to you…it’s my fault…and I’m sorry.”
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t ever considered that Eleanor would believe that what happened that night was her fault. I had no idea that she blamed herself over Cedric’s death, just as I did. I had no idea that she felt as though she could have prevented what happened to me, or what happened to her. There was nothing else she could have done. None of it was her fault, and yet – just like myself – she had been blaming herself for the past two months. She had been living with some of the same guilt that I had.
I was spared the need to say anything further though, as Eleanor turned and walked away, not turning back toward the sitting room, but heading up the staircase instead.

Sirius
Once Eleanor had finally left her room, I began seeing her around the house more often. A strange shift had seemed to happen. Rather than avoiding everyone and constantly reading, she had taken to sitting in the kitchen during every meal and joining the various conversations that people were having.
She didn’t usually eat anything, but once or twice she tried to. I think it was simply an attempt to appease Molly, who was constantly fussing about how thin she was, but it was nice a gesture all the same.
It became clear over the next couple of days that something had happened between Eleanor and the twins. Whatever it was, I couldn’t be sure. The only thing I knew was that she was spending more time with them than anyone else. Oddly enough as well, the only time she seemed to sleep was in their presence. I had caught her multiple times sleeping on one of the sitting room couches as the twins played wizards’ chess or exploding snap. I had no idea what they could have done to gain her trust, but I was happy all the same to think that she finally felt somewhat comfortable around someone.
I had wanted to ask her how she was doing, but Remus had suggested I leave her be. In his words, “She isn’t the type to just open up, if you ask her now she’ll put up her walls again. Give her some time first.”
I had been looking for an opportunity, a perfect moment to try to speak with her, but in the week since she had left her room I still hadn’t found that moment. So just like every other night, I sat at the kitchen table and ate dinner with everyone else.
“Lizards aren’t on the list of school pets though.” Ginny said, staring at Eleanor’s right shoulder where a Moke was seated.
“Doesn’t really make a difference, does it?” Eleanor asked. “Moke’s can shrink and are experts at hiding. Faustus can simply disappear for a little while if anyone questions his presence.”
“But that’s against the rules then, isn’t it? If Moke’s aren’t on the list of allowed pets?” Hermione chimed in.
“Because you’ve never broken a school rule before?” Eleanor asked, raising an eyebrow toward Hermione.
It was still strange to hear Eleanor speak so much. She had been so quiet here for so long.
“I would hope that you aren’t planning to lose Slytherin any points this year, Miss Potter.”
The familiar monotonous voice of Severus Snape came from the doorway of the kitchen. I couldn’t resist the urge to glare at him as he stepped into the room.
“Oh, Severus, I forgot that you would be stopping by tonight.” Molly said, getting up from her seat and offering it to Snape.
“It’s fine. I won’t be staying long.” He said, crossing the room and setting a box upon the table.
“I simply needed to drop this off. If I’m not mistaken, the full moon is only a couple of nights away.”
I noticed Remus’s head snap up.
“Well that isn’t going to do him much good.” Eleanor stated, looking into the box. “These are just ingredients. He needs a fully brewed potion. Even you can’t be daft enough to expect him to be capable of brewing a Wolfsbane potion mere nights away from the full moon.”
Eleanor shook her head as she leaned back into her seat.
“I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m not…daft enough…to expect Lupin of all people to brew this then.” Snape said in a drawling voice.
Eleanor looked up toward Snape, watching him from across the table.
“I think this potion would be right up your alley, Miss Potter.” Though his voice wasn’t any warmer, there was the smallest change in Snape’s expression as he addressed Eleanor.
“What?” Eleanor asked, her eyes going wide. “No, you can’t…you don’t actually think I’m capable of making that…”
“In fact, I do.” Snape said.
“Now hang on a moment.” I said. “That’s advanced potion making, you can’t just walk in here and put that kind of responsibility on her shoulders. One mistake and Remus could die.”
“It won’t be difficult for her.” Snape said, returning my glare as he looked at me for the first time since he entered the room.
“Really?” I asked. “She’s hardly a fifth year and she –“
“I don’t find it surprising that you underestimate her abilities. You’ve known her all of what, two weeks now?” Snape sneered.
“I’m not underestimating her –“
“Sirius…” Remus said, placing a hand on my arm.
“No, you know he’s only treating her this way because of Lily.” I said loudly.
The heads of everyone in the room snapped in my direction. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose as the realization that I had said too much hit me.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Eleanor said quietly, “I’m nothing like Lily. And I’m nothing like James either.”
I turned to face Eleanor, and I wasn’t sure what to read from her expression. She looked defiant and sure about what she had said. But at the same time she seemed confused, unsure of why I had said what I had said. In that moment it was clear that Eleanor truly didn’t realize that there was a little of both Lily and James in her. I could see it in the rare moments that she smiled, in the small laughs she would give every now and then at the twins’ jokes. I could sense it in the act of kindness she showed Mrs. Weasley when she cleaned and cooked breakfast for everyone. I could see her resemblense to James in her hair and her eyes, and to Lily in the shape of her face. There was so much of them in her, and yet she had no idea.
“Eleanor, that’s not –“
“Don’t try to tell me it’s not true. I’m nothing like them…” Eleanor said, the smallest hint of sadness showing through her usually emotionless façade, “And I’m fine with that. Why would I want to be like them anyway?”
With that, Eleanor stood from the table and pulled the box closer to her.
“You’re sure about this?” She asked, looking up to Snape again.
“Yes.” Snape answered.
A smile broke out on Eleanor’s face. It wasn’t one of her rare and small smiles, it was the broadest smile I had ever seen from her. In that moment, I realized two facts: Eleanor loved potion making, and she had no idea that Lily had been just the same.