Some Of Me Started Loving More Of You

WHAT IF?

|| CHAPTER SEVEN ||

Bawara mann raah taake tarse re 

Naina bhi malhaar banke barse re

IT WAS a foggy morning, everything seemed like enveloped in fog and clouds. Nidhi stood watching clouds floating far ahead. In the last few days she had seen different morning moods here. All refreshing green bathing in the golden light, sometimes hiding behind the gray shawl not quite ready to wake up, and sometimes playing hide and seek from behind floating clouds, everyday it's different and Nidhi had grown to like that every mood. As usual the music from Gayatri's room wafting in the air while she was busy with her plants. Colorful flowers on the deck swaying with morning breeze, wind whispering around dispersing the fresh morning whiff, everything seemed fresh and usual except how Nidhi was feeling. Not able to get sound sleep at night she was feeling drowsy but some other feeling was also mixing in her restlessness, something felt amiss this morning. Confused, her gaze wandered around and stilled on the closed door of Arjun's room and it was a sudden realization. Her brows knitted, to her utter surprise, it was his energy or vibes she didn't know but standing here, at the end of the deck every morning she was able to feel his presence around without even seeing him and right now she was so sure he wasn't around. Today his presence was missing, she couldn't feel it.

Couple of hours ago, she was in the kitchen with Gayatri as early in morning she was feeling the urge of having a cup of tea. Gayatri had prepared some vegetable omelet for her with a perfect cup of ginger honey tea. They chatted for some time before Gayatri went for her morning routine that included a time with her plants and Nidhi returned back to her room to get some rest as she had been awake half the night feeling uneasy. Hoping whatever she had eaten wouldn't come out of her stomach she decided to rest for a while. Arjun wasn't around then and she had thought he must have gone for his morning run. But by now he should have returned, she thought wearily as something didn't seem right. In just few days, unknowingly, it had become a custom, every morning he was there, with her, watching those soaring mountains far away and even when he was in hurry at least few moments he would spend here, on the deck, asking about her plan for the day, talking about his schedule and then again at night they were out here sometimes chatting or sometimes arguing over some matter or sometimes just admiring the peaceful night but aware of each other's presence. It was the first morning he wasn't around and suddenly she couldn't understand why his absence felt too heavy to handle. What's wrong with me? She chided herself while walking back and settled on the chair outside her room. Arjun was the very first guy in her life who had affected her beyond her understanding, whatever she was feeling seemed irrational. All her teenage years she used to wonder why every girl of her age paid that much attention to boys, she used to admire bikes when other girls were talking about how hot and attractive the boy was. There was a time when she tried hard to understand how every girl has crushes or how easily they fall in love, how did they know the feeling? But early in life she had accepted that she was different, feelings never came to her and after a certain time she never ever had a problem with that fact. She had found comfort in other exciting things and she was happy with her life. But the moment she met Arjun it's like her every long-forgotten query had got its answer, without her consent her mind started to notice every small thing about him. But still, earlier she decided to just ignore her reaction to his virile presence. Already it was overwhelming with what she had been going through. As slowly the initial terror was shrinking, she was trying to protect the new sprouted feelings in her and it felt exhausting when he stirred some more, novel & unknown, and it was a terrifying to handle so many emotions. She was frustrated when it became a mixture, guarding what she had accepted and pushing away that was threatening her very core. But soon she realized it was something too strong to neglect. It wasn't in her control to ignore the instinctive hum of her body whenever she was near Arjun, at the end of the day she was looking forward to their time together, chatting about anything and everything. She had never been this excited with any man no matter how much she had tried. He was a man she had started to admire and he was the first man who had stirred the feelings in her she didn't even know existed within. And she was aware he was feeling something too, there was more than one incident when she had noticed his reaction that left her in thoughts. He was aware of the pull between them, she was sure. Their trip to Siliguri had changed something between them and left her with a desire to know more, in depth, what it was... She knew she was affecting him as much as he was affecting her. His sudden anger that evening at Sam's apartment was a reaction to something she had mentioned. First, she had thought it was because she hid about her resignation or she refused the business proposal but when she gave it more thought, recalling the incident a few times, she realized it was the immediate reaction after she mentioned about her life back in Mumbai. Why did it trigger such a strong reaction from him? Many times, she thought about asking but then she knew her questioning would get a reverse reaction. She had seen it, that same evening had offered her his withdrawal too. She couldn't quite forget that exact moment, countless times it had replayed in her mind. They were at ease, as usual, talking about their likings but suddenly something changed when he stood in front of her, unwinding his scarf and tying it around her neck. Their gazes locked and something stirred between them, igniting a connection that trembled her, urged her to move her hand and touch him, feel him. And she would have but he stepped back, like something terrified him. She knew he had experienced the same emotions in that moment, it was evident in his eyes but then he extracted himself as if it was all wrong. She felt bothered, wanted to know what it was, but he just offered her his refusal. After that evening it was like he had drawn some line and was careful to not cross it. Their usual interaction like happening in some confines that earlier didn't exist. But in all these variations he was there, maybe trying to be a good host. What happened today then? Was she disturbing him? Before more questions spiraled, she heard someone call her name and found a cheerful Eila striding the stairs to the deck.