The love I have for you | Mernick

Nick (1)

The first part from Nick's perspective 💕 I decided to split up Nick's part in 2 as well... so here is the first one... :)

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"You really should just go." He heard Meredith's voice breaking, getting smaller, lower and higher. He had never seen her this devastated. He had seen her angry, emotionally overwhelmed, he had seen her sad. But he had never seen her this lost and broken before. And yet, she continued to give all of herself to the hospital that had already cost her so much. He could understand it to some degree, he believed her when she said that it has also given her a lot.

But all he wanted in that moment was to hug her, to tell her that everything would be okay, but her words cut through him, hurting more than he ever could have imagined. He wasn't mad at her, but it broke him to see her so devastated.

He wouldn't get through to her in that moment, she was too far in her own grieve, in her own thoughts. And he wasn't sure, he was in the right state of mind either to provide her the support she needed. So, he left.

He raised his arm, in an attempt to stop the tears that were building in his eyes from falling out, only more or less successful, as he could only keep them in until he left the room. He took a deep breath, looking up to the ceiling, maybe that would help.

He went outside the hospital, needing some fresh air, needing some clearer thoughts to process the day. He walked along the parking lot in order to get to the small park nearby, when he saw Amelia and Kai.

He hesitated a moment, but decided to go up to them, even though he didn't want to interrupt their evening. But... Meredith seemed like she could use someone close to her right now. And at this moment and time he couldn't be that for her.

"Hey... uhm... Amelia. Do you have a moment?"

"Yeah. What is it?" She looked at him surprised.

"I- Would you mind looking after Meredith? She had a pretty tough day and..." He trailed off, his thoughts getting lost.

"What happened? Because of the residency program?" She asked surprised and worried at the same time.

"Yes- No." He took a deep breath "It was just a lot today... Bailey and Richard were pretty brutal to her today... She doesn't want me around anymore, but I think she could use someone."

"O-kay. Are you okay?" She asked, now looking him up and down. He probably wasn't in his best shape either right now.

"Yeah. I just... need her to be okay..."

"I will check on her." Amelia responded, reassuring him and giving Kai an apologizing look, earning a nod from them. And then she left, going back inside.

"I'm sorry." Nick said with a small smile towards Kai.

"It's okay." They looked up at him. "I don't know you two that well... but sometimes you need a moment to realize what you want."

"Thanks." He let out a small smile at their attempt to help him "I hope so." He stayed silent for a moment before he looked up at them again "I-" He was fumbling with his hand. "I need to clear my head a little."

"Sure. I get that too."

"Good night." He gave them an appreciative smile. He turned towards them one more time before he left "I'm happy for you two."

"Thanks." They laughed slightly, and then he left.

Nick was walking through the park for some time, the scene of Meredith always in his head. He went over their case again. Were they wrong today? Was he wrong in not stopping Meredith? But he went to her in the first place, he asked for those different approaches, because he knew their patient didn't have another chance. He knew she would have died if they hadn't tried to take out the cancer.