My Eyes Adored You [Kagehina]

Chapter 12: Trust

Several days later, Tobio and Shoyo are on their way to work. They are walking along the sidewalk, holding hands, when something catches Shoyo's eye. A familiar figure, a familiar face approaching them on the sidewalk, walking the opposite direction. At first Shoyo is surprised. He hasn't seen Kimura since high school, despite living in the same town. But as they get closer and he realizes that Kimura recognizes him as well, his surprise morphs into embarrassment, the same deep shame he always feels whenever he thinks of his ex.

Kimura smirks – of course he does – that same arrogant, annoying smirk that always spoke to his perceived superiority over others. He looks Shoyo up and down, clearly unimpressed at any changes since high school, before swinging his eyes to Tobio. Kimura quirks an eyebrow as if to say "Him? Really?" and it is demeaning and embarrassing and infuriating all at once. Shoyo is suddenly flushed with anger in addition to shame. He averts his eyes as they pass by each other. Shoyo lets out a breath, which finally draws Tobio's attention.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, fine."

Tobio looks at him questioningly but doesn't push further.

At work, Shoyo is quiet, definitely not himself. He hardly smiles or laughs, and when he does it is forced, artificial. Everyone notices something is off. Bo asks Tobio what the problem is, but Tobio doesn't know. He watches Shoyo from across the bar, looking for clues, desperately reliving the last several hours to see if there was something he said or did wrong. Was Shoyo mad at him? Tobio was at a loss as to why he would be. Everything was fine when they left the apartment. It was only when they got here that Shoyo started acting strange. So something must have happened en route, and Tobio would bet it had to do with that moment on the street.

During their break, Tobio was determined to find out what the problem was.

"What's going on?" he asks without preamble.

"Nothing," says Shoyo, getting a Coke from the fridge. He avoids looking at Tobio, another tell-tale sign that something is very wrong.

"It's not nothing," Tobio responds. "Clearly something is bothering you."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't!" Shoyo's voice gets a little high and suddenly Tobio realizes he's never really seen Shoyo angry. A pit forms in his stomach. He has an awful sense of foreboding, like maybe this is it. Maybe Shoyo is done with him, has realized he has nothing to offer, knows now that there is no future in which Tobio can provide for him. It takes Tobio's breath away.

Shoyo suddenly senses the change in Tobio's scent and realizes he is distressed. He instantly feels guilty. He knows he needs to explain but he just can't bring himself to do it now.

"We'll talk after work, okay?"

Tobio looks at him, still clearly upset.

"Sho, what's going on? Is it something I did?"

"No! No. It's nothing like that. You and me, we're fine. I just, we'll talk after work, okay? I promise there's nothing you did. I just... I'll explain later. Okay? Can you wait?

"You promise we're okay?"

"Yes! I promise. I just... I'll explain later. I can't now, okay?"

Tobio is hesitant but can't force him to talk. He nods and goes back to the bar, leaving Shoyo feeling even more like shit than he did before.

Shoyo is in his head the rest of his shift.

How can he possibly explain to Tobio the humiliation that came barreling back after seeing Kimura on the street? How can he describe the shame of being used, of being treated like nothing and no one? He's just a pitiful excuse for an omega. How can he convey the feeling of emptiness and worthlessness that is plaguing him? The worry that he has nothing to offer anyone, that he is a disgraceful piece of shit, just like his father said.