Traces and Storms

xxvii

I sat up straight from my bed, cold beads of sweat abundantly trickling down my forehead. My breathing was uneven, and my heartbeat was violent against my ribcage. I could feel its every thud, as if screaming how grateful it was that I finally woke up. My limbs were numb, and gauging from how painful my eyes were, I knew I cried.

Just what did I dream about that I ended up like this? It was a pretty uncommon experience for me. I did have these episodes when I was younger, but it somehow stopped.

I paused. When? When did it stop? My eyes widened with the realization which dawned on me. The nightmares stopped when I got acquainted with Jongin.

My sheets were soaked through with sweat; my pillow was damp from my tears. I had already been awake for a few minutes, but my heart still remained unsettled. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to remember just what it was I dreamed about, only to come out with nothing. My mind was a blank slate. All I knew, was I didn't feel comfortable, and I was thoroughly scared. The buzzing frequency filled the silence of my room. Sighing, I played a song in full blast, and dragged the laundry basket near the edge of my bed before proceeding to change my sheets.

I went downstairs, and the air was still—almost suffocating. I wanted to call either of my parents, but something held me back. I woke up alive and well. I couldn't even remember the dream I had. I figured it would be a disturbance if I phoned them. I turned the television on, and flicked through the channels, only to stop when I saw a rerun of Miraculous Ladybug. The familiar opening theme filled the living room, distorting the quietness. I headed to the kitchen, and decided to scramble some eggs and microwave a bowl of porridge. I turned the kettle on and placed a bag of green tea in my mug. I didn't even want to, but I ended up imagining it, anyway. I began to wonder what Myungsoo was having for breakfast. Knowing Mrs. Kim, she wouldn't let his only son get out of the house without filling his stomach. And I was certain it would be the traditional, Korean breakfast, considering that was how it was, when I slept over in their place with Sungyeol. I suppose that was one reason why Myungsoo had a huge appetite. I laughed at that thought with empty humor.

Myungsoo was obviously loved by his parents. He grew up in a good home. I wondered, then, if his parents knew the side of him he'd show me from time to time. I wondered if they were aware he was still meeting up with Soojung, or if he had intense feelings brewing inside of him, like a storm. I wondered about the secrets he kept.

The water inside the kettle burbled and hissed. I waited for the blue light to turn off, before lifting it up and pouring the water into my mug.

-::-

I went to the train station around noon, carrying my laptop and camera bag with me. There were several people in the waiting shed, and I stood at the very end, just so I could let the golden sunshine seep through my clothes. With my earbuds on, I lost sense of my surroundings—the rustling of the paper bags one passenger carried as they rubbed against each other, or the creaking of the branches as it swayed with the wind. I could see the motion, but the sounds were blocked out by the song.

The train soon arrived, and I stepped inside right after the sliding doors hissed open. Even the train was spacious. I browsed my phone, thinking of the places I could visit. If I switch trains after two stops, I could get the one leading to Seoul station. From there, I could take another train all the way to Samcheong-dong. It would take a while, and the thought of taking the train to Busan brushed my mind. Thinking I wouldn't have enough time, I reconsidered, and decided to settle for my initial plan.

Samcheong-dong was a melting pot, with tourists admiring the traditional houses that were preserved. Some took photographs of the murals scattering the district, while some stopped by to listen to the buskers. I took my camera out, and aimed the lens at a stranger, singing a familiar song. It didn't come to me at that time, but searching for the lyrics that afternoon made me remember: Nell's 'Time Spent Walking Through Memories'.